COMPASSION

COMPASSION

Wanda was listening to a Christian radio show called Focus on the Family, when someone was being interviewed from Crystal Peaks Ranch in Oregon.  They described the work they did with rescued horses and troubled kids.  How the work with horses changed lives.  This sparked in her a curiosity, so she googled about horses, changed lives, etc. This search opened the door to learning about the wonderful world of EAL.  She told her husband, Mundo, about it, then set out to find out more.

On the search to find a place where Mundo could go to get trained or certified in the EAL field, they came across numerous options which ranged from being very new age to scholarly.  Their focus first went to Spain.  Mundo decided to call since the training would be in Spanish.  The woman in Spain spoke to Mundo, suggesting he visit a center closer to home before committing to engage in her training. 

Nana’s search also revealed that Kaleidoscope was an option.  She suggested it to him because of the scholarly approach.  The information on the KLC website matched Mundo’s graduate studies which focused on business consulting.  Also, the fact that Kaleidoscope was in Michigan gave them a chance to visit Mundo’s cousin who lived near Detroit.

I received a phone call from a man with a very thick Spanish accent inquiring about my training.  While I didn’t offer a certification program, I was always willing to support people interested in learning more about EAL.  I shared anything – the good, the bad, and the ugly with the premise that they couldn’t replicate my work because we came from different life experiences, backgrounds, learning styles, etc. 

He told me he was Dr. Edmundo Jimenez from Puerto Rico and he and his wife wanted to come to Michigan to learn about EAL.  He explained that he showed Paso Fino horses and had recently learned about how horses could help people.  He was an organizational business consultant, with his own consulting business, InBusiness for Team Development, Inc.   He reasoned it might be a good match to bring his love of horses into his business and was eager to learn more about EAL. 

I emailed him a proposed training with the following outcomes:

-Explore industry definitions, standards, and guidelines

-Identify core elements of a skilled EAL Facilitator

-Self exploration and assessment -gap analysis of skills and talents

-Practice EAL facilitation, peer review, and feedback

-Networking with other industry professionals

-Increase awareness of the components of a learner-centered EAL program

He and his wife, Nana, agreed so I reached out to six other people who had also expressed interest in learning more about running an EAL business.  I offered to only charge Mundo and Nana for any out-of-pocket expenses. The opportunity to develop a collaborative partnership with a fellow EAL provider in Puerto Rico was exciting! 

It turned out Nana was afraid of horses, so she was just joining to support Mundo and learn the business side of the process.  She actively participated in all the non-horse dialogues and exercises, though when it came to working with the horses, she mostly observed.  Gradually, we all witnessed her getting more comfortable with our four-legged facilitators.  She moved from the edge of the arena, to nearer the horse work, getting closer and closer to our equine partners. By the third day when she was invited to lead Minnie, she responded with a tentative “yes”.

Mundo was beyond excited when she finally felt comfortable enough to actively work with the horses.  This was a significant breakthrough for two reasons.  One, she would no longer be just behind-the-scenes with their farm.  This new awakening potentially opened a door to her more active participating in the equine work.  As equally important, was the revelation of how transformational partnering with horses can be for individuals to overcome limiting beliefs.  Her conquering her fear of horses was an “Aha moment” that she told me became a game changer for their business, The Equus of Puerto Rico.   

After his experience in Michigan, Mundo, Nana and I kept in touch with them wanting me to come to PR to introduce EAL to their community.  Their farm was under construction, so they planned a “Deminar” at a neighboring barn. 

I’d never been to PR, so I made my usual arrangements for people to take care of kids, dogs, and horses then jumped on a plane headed to the island.  They invited me to stay in their home, which made the experience even more special.

The first stop on my PR tour was to observe Mundo in action as an organizational consultant.  Nana and I entered a large auditorium filled with people, mostly men, in business attire.  Mundo was at the front of the room on a stage in front of a very large video screen.  He was wearing a microphone and gesturing actively to the audience. Nana and I made our way to the back of the room where she could whisper English to me, interpreting Mundo’s presentation. 

It was wonderful watching him, his dynamic personality shown brightly as he strutted across the stage, changing the pitch in his voice from a whisper to shouting, captivating his audience.

Following the presentation we spent the day touring the island.  They took me to their favorite out-of-the-way restaurant for mofongo (mashed plantains) and an actual coconut with a straw to drink coconut water.  We toured old San Juan, the Castillo San Filipe de Morro (16th century citadel built by the Spanish) and the San Cristobal Castle (largest Spanish fort in the new world). 

The next day was the Deminar.  They invited twelve people, a mixture of men and women, to participate.  Because I only speak English and they also spoke English, we began in my primary language.  Questions in Spanish would fill the air, with Nana stepping in to explain to me what was being asked. 

We discovered during the first debriefing that it was best for them to share their thoughts in Spanish, their natural tongue, rather than try to translate it for me into English.  Important feelings, emotions, and subtle nuances got lost in translation.  So, we reversed our approach with most of the conversation now in Spanish, Nana again interpreting for me.  The speed, enthusiasm, and energy with which they could share ideas in their native language was significantly different than when they were asked to speak English.

The language of Equus though isn’t Spanish or English – it’s Universal.  The equine experiences offered insights for all the participants. 

The friendship between Nana, Mundo, and I grew.  Mundo attended the EAL Post-Masters program in Prescott Arizona four times the next year to further enhance his learning.  He developed a deep friendship with Paul Smith and Pam McPhee, which led to them also visiting PR.  Additionally, the Experiential Training and Development Alliance, a group the three (Pam, Paul, and I) of us belong to, participated in a service project on their farm to help them recover following the horrific damage from hurricane Maria. 

To this day, 2025, we continue to seek ways to come together to share our passion of horses helping humans.  It all started with a compassionate person from Oregon rescuing horses to help troubled kids and a person listening to that story on the radio.  Our collaborative efforts have positively impacted hundreds, if not thousands, of lives. 

Have you noticed or tracked the ripple effect of an action of compassion in your life?  What was it?

Can you identify another possible compassionate action that you could take today that may or may not have far reaching effects?

Is there a way in the future to determine the impacts of the choice you made?  Can you take additional actions to increase its reach and positive power?     

BLINDSPOT

BLINDSPOTS

Sitting in white plastic stackable chairs in a garage area attached to the horses’ stalls, we exchange small talk about the weather, children, and our plans for the coming weekend.  Above the concrete floor, shelves are filled with horse stuff, bags of Purina miniature horse and pony feed, tubs of supplements, buckets, a hose, plus a variety of toys and tools. 

We’ve been hired by Stephanie, an insurance company manager.  She and her therapist husband also offer equine-assisted services.  She asked us to deliver this program for her “real job” because she recognized her department was struggling with communication issues, creating conflict among her team members.

She’d invited us to her farm where they raise miniature horses.  Amber and I, along with five other women, were waiting for the final team member, George, to join us.  The ladies, ranging in age from 20’s to early 50’s were fashionably dressed.  Most are wearing colored cowboy boots and puffy coats.  From the deep sighs, to fidgeting and noticeable frustration, one could feel the tension as the start time slowly ticked further away. 

George hurriedly made his entrance and apologized profusely to the group.  He awkwardly plops down in the remaining open chair, then ran his fingers through his unruly hair.  The people seated who have been waiting for him sort of politely murmured back, then all turned to look at Amber and me.  We take their cue, welcoming everyone to the team development program, thanking Stephanie for inviting us to share her lovely farm.  We emphasized how much we appreciated her trusting us to be able to help them reach their communication goals.

Following our opening sequence of meet & greet and horse safety, we move into the next bit which is an introduction to Peter Senge’s Ladder of Inference.  His work informs us that we live in a world of self-generating beliefs which remain largely untested. We adopt those beliefs because they are based on conclusions, which are inferred from what we observe, plus our past experience. Our ability to achieve the results we truly desire is eroded by our feelings that:

• Our beliefs are the truth.

• The truth is obvious.

• Our beliefs are based on real data.

• The data we select are the real data

It’s one of my favorite tools to help visually represent that people find evidence to support what they’ve already decided. Below is part of the handout we shared. Climb the ladder with me, like we did with our six group members:

1)      The meeting was called at 9:00 a.m.  John didn’t arrive until 9:30 a.m. and he didn’t say why.

2)      John knew exactly when the meeting was to start.  He deliberately came in late.

3)      John always comes in late.

4)      We can’t count on John. He’s unreliable. 

After reading this first example one could hear a pin drop!  Why?  Because we had just experienced this exact scenario with George arriving late.  Each of the team members swiveled their heads, looking left and right at each other.  Did they just climb the ladder?  Let’s unpack this…

·        Did they start with observable data?   Yes, George arrived late.

·        Did they select some details about George’s behavior?  Maybe he’d seemed to be uncomfortable and somewhat flustered.

·        Did they add their own meaning?  Could they have reminded themselves of other times George was late?

·        Did they move to assumptions that George didn’t care that he was late?  He didn’t explain WHY he was late.  To be fair, nobody bothered to ask him either.

·        Did they then reach the “logical” conclusion that George isn’t a team player and he’s the reason they have communication problems.  Heck, maybe the whole reason Stephanie is requiring them to take a day off from work to spend time on better communication is all because of George’s behavior.

Amber and I look at each other, smiling, silently agreeing “let’s move into this”.  We modelled the healthy behavior of getting curious by asking,

“We just shared a similar experience, with George’s late arrival.  Did any of you climb the ladder?”

After a few minutes of awkward silence, Stephanie spoke up, admitting that she did. The remaining group members nod their heads affirmatively, sheepishly admitting that they did too.  George is their tech guy, so he explained that there was an emergency that needed his attention.  One of the participants lowered her head, commenting that she’s sorry she judged him, assuming he was late because he didn’t care about the rest of the team.   

Kim then asks, “George why were you late this time?”  Notice the “this time” added to the question.  The addition of calling out that there were past experiences with George attending late tells Amber and I that there is more to this story.  George doesn’t verbally respond to the “this time” part of the question, though he shrinks down a little in his chair making himself smaller.  He then explains,

“I know how important this day is to you, Stephanie.  You’ve been excited and talking about it since you first scheduled it for us.  It’s just that if I didn’t solve this server problem this morning we’d have bigger problems when we returned from the training.  I had to make a decision in the moment.  I’m sorry to have let you all down.” 

The ladder of influence affects all our decisions.  It all seems so reasonable, happening so quickly, that we aren’t even aware we’ve climbed the ladder.  Because it takes place in our head, the process is not visible to anyone else, unless we make it so.  Neuroscience tells us that the more we follow a decision-making pathway in our head, the deeper the groove or neuropathway becomes in our brains, so the more we believe what we’ve already decided.  The only way to reroute this “truth” is through inquiry, staying present, and considering other options. 

“Okay, then,” I say, standing up, shifting the focus away from this awkward conversation.  “It’s time to see what our horse partners can teach us.”  For this next activity we invite each of you to catch and halter a horse, without talking, then lead your horse for a while. Think of this as a whole group activity.  I encourage you to expand your definition of success beyond your individual goal of getting a horse haltered.” 

The energy in the group feels more inclusive, with all six of the participants, including George, moving toward the pasture where a herd of seven miniature horses wait.  As we walk outside, Amber and I excitedly whisper to each other in anticipation that the horses are going to help us explore their relationships further.

Before walking through the gate, each individual grabs a halter from us, then enters the pen.  The horses all rush toward the people to see if they have any treats for them. We imposed a “not talking without a consequence rule” so the people shuffle around, sorting out who will take what horse, by pointing and motioning to each other.  Once each person identifies which horse they are going to halter the participants are in various stages of trying to put the halter over the ears, buckle the chinstrap, and figuring out which part of the halter goes where. 

George is having the most trouble.  He can’t seem to find the top of the halter and every time he tries to put it on his horses’ head the black and white pinto pony walks away.  Everyone else is so busy with their own horses that they aren’t paying attention to George.  Amber and I whisper to each other that this scenario is just like this morning.  George is on his own, with nobody noticing that he’s struggling.

I raise my hand, inviting everyone to stop what they are doing.  Then, facing the group, I ask,

“Hey everyone, this is a good point to notice what’s happening.  Are you successful?” 

The five people standing with horses haltered all nod an affirmative “yes”.  George is standing absently holding his halter, while the pinto is on the other side of the pen. 

Amber asks, “So your definition of success was each of you reaching your individual goal, not all the group members accomplishing the task?”

The ladies look around, discovering what they hadn’t noticed earlier, that George and his horse weren’t even near each other.  One can almost hear the “Awe Sh*t” when they realize the group left George on his own, that they had not offered him support. 

Amber’s question opened the door for rich discovery of ways they can transfer this learning experience back to their office.  Stephanie, seizing the opportunity, moved to the front of the group. She suggested we walk back to the garage space to start capturing the lessons learned on a flip chart, creating a list of new best practices to take back to the office.   

Share a time when you climbed the ladder.  What were your blindspots?  Why did you think you held those beliefs?

Do you currently practice staying curious and present?  What are some of the conditions that support this behavior?  How do you feel when you realize you have assumed or jumped to conclusions which may not be accurate (note: I did not write “true”, truth can be relative to the individual)

What can you do in the future to be more fully engaged in the moment?

SELF-ESTEEM

SELF-ESTEEM2

Eleven people, four women and seven men, dressed in comfortable preppy clothes of collared shirts, khakis, with a few pairs of jeans thrown in sat around a weathered wooden picnic table, the remaining people in scattered white stackable plastic chairs.  We were located on a bright green grassy area just outside the indoor arena at Whispering Pines Farm.  Stacie, Tam, and I were delivering one of our first Equine Assisted Learning (EAL) team development programs. 

The client was my former next-door neighbor, Randy.  Randy recently left an engineering career to buy a restoration franchise.  He and his business partners were willing to help us practice our program model; in part because I was willing to provide the workshop free of charge.  Our relationship, built on years of trust and shared experiences, helped support his willingness to test out this un-proven “horse stuff”.       

Randy and I became good friends when I lived next door to him with my now ex-husband, Bill, and our two girls.  Our two families, his wife Chris and their twin sons, spent time swimming in their pool, trick or treating together, and playing games such as euchre and dominos.  We lived through a category 5 tornado together, with both families experiencing life-changing consequences.  The wake-up call of the tornado ultimately led to me file for a divorce; while Randy left a successful engineering career to purchase the franchise.  His decision ultimately led to Chris divorcing him because of the insecurity of the franchise opportunity, as well as the extra pressure on their marriage.   

Following the tornado, yet before the marital separations, Randy and I shared many meaningful conversations during the two years I was completing my master’s degree.  We were both deeply invested in learning how successful businesses were created and maintained, especially small businesses.  Once I graduated with my Ph.D., found The Alchemist, and Stacie, the friendship between Randy and I created a safe place for me to test out our corporate programs.  I felt confident that the feedback from his people could help guide us to design experiences that would enhance their self-awareness, as well as their business culture.     

Stacie and I crafted what we thought would be the best program design to meet Randy’s objectives.  We began with a pre-assessment questionnaire.  The four-question survey asked each person about their best day, worst day, what they would like to get of a team building experience, and a question that asked about something their co-workers would not know about them.  I copied and pasted all the info, sharing the results with the group. 

The two opening questions provided information about the organization’s culture.  We gleaned from this that they liked to be productive, they expressed that it was important for them to work together as a team, a “best day” meant they felt appreciated, and that people had a positive attitude.  Worst day descriptions were the opposite.  A worst day meant that customers weren’t happy, the feeling of being unproductive, and the lack of teamwork. 

The last question intentionally shifted the energy from the cognitive, or in your head, to something fun and engaging.  For example, Randy shared, “In my 10th grade I was carried out of a high school dance due to over intoxication.  As you can imagine I was cheerfully greeted by my parents outside!”  For us, an owner boasting to his employees about intoxication in 10th grade gave us another hint to their organizational culture.

With Phancy and Al, our two young Egyptian Arabian geldings, athletically trotting around the arena, we explained Billiards to the group.  First things first, there would be a consequence if someone talked.  After a spirited discussion, they all agreed the consequence to talking would be to remove an article of clothing.  We probed the decision, confirming that the consequence would be done here and now, could be done multiple times, and would only be imposed on the rule breaker. 

The competitive sales culture that ruled this organization, established by the entrepreneurial male business partners, clearly dominated the decision.  Their high self-esteem and confidence over-road any other suggestions made by the less forceful members of the group.  Stacie and I realized that we could “trust the process” when it came to building activities.  We recognized that day, early in our EAL journey, that people will show you who they are by the choices they make, as well as their method of choice making.       

Now that the consequence was set, we lined them up, each taking a turn to try to move one of the horses into a pvc “pocket”.  Mike ran out into the space with the horses, waving his arms, trying to turn them toward a pocket at the far end of the arena.  Phancy literally galloped one way, while Al took off in the opposite direction, kicking up his heals as he went. 

Stacie shouted out to Mike to be watchful of those hooves, and Mike replied, “I’ve got this!” His verbal response, Stacie reminded him, required him to take off a piece of clothing.  He removed his jacket, tossing it towards the line of waiting fellow team members standing between two buckets filled with water. 

I hollered time.  Mike ran to get back in line, while the second person, Kelly, more quietly moved into the space with the horses.  Al, sensing his opportunity, squared up, then started to pee. He created quite a large steaming puddle in the sand.  Kelly avoided the smelly urine, choosing to try to get Phancy into the nearest pocket. 

Kelly’s time up, it was now Rod’s turn.  Before leaving the line, I caught Rod talking to Randy, strategizing about how best to use his turn.  I reminded him that because he had talked, he’d have to remove an article of clothing.  Not wearing a jacket, he chose to remove a shoe.  Running in one shoe and one white athletic sock, Rod headed toward the horses, forgetting about the pee pile.  He splashed smack dab in the center of it, sending a cascade of urine in every direction.  Rod’s peers openly laughed, pointing at his yellow drippy urine-soaked sock. 

Undaunted by the soaking wet sock, Rod continued to chase the horses.  The boys, Phancy and Al, were again responding to this high energy, running, bucking, and kicking in the air.  I turned to Stacie and Tam, sensing this was getting out of control, asking my equine specialists if we should call the activity.  They agreed, so Stacie stepped forward, held her hands up, getting the attention of everyone.  The minute her hands went up, Rod stopped running and so did the horses.  Now, with everyone calm, she told them we had enough info to learn from the experience.  A few grumbles could be heard from the people who hadn’t gotten a turn yet; while the group moved toward the plates of food Tam was finishing putting out. 

People spread out over the yard, sitting in pairs and small groups, all chatting about the morning’s activities.  After about a half-hour, when everyone had thrown their empty plates in the garbage, we invited the group to circle up to debrief.  They openly shared how much they learned about themselves and their co-workers.  They told us how fun it was, especially watching Rod run through horse pee – something none of us could have imagined would be a highlight of the experience! 

Two weeks following our team building with the horses, we asked them to complete a survey to learn what changed, what stayed with them, and the impact of their EAL experience.  The post-survey felt risky, and necessary, testing Stacie and my value.  We challenged our self-esteem by inquiring as to whether our assumptions about our successes were real.  Fortunately, we learned that our program design not only worked, the “interactions among the employees paralleled that of the everyday office environment”.  Bingo – now it was time to market this “horse thing” to paying clients!  

Recall a time when your self-esteem was high, so you took some risks for the first time.  What happened?  What worked successfully?

Do you apply what you learned from that experience in other situations?  If so, how?  Do you do it consciously and if so, what steps do you purposefully incorporate into your process?

In the future, where would you like to encourage your self-esteem to grow?  What actions are you going to take to help make that change happen?         

INTENTION

INTENTION2

Sara and I had each taken an online 4MATSystem® behavioral leadership assessment prior to the in-service conference in South Carolina.  We discovered that together we represented a whole brain.  In other words, Sara’s brain preferences were for quadrants two and three and mine were for quadrants one and four.  Sara liked the world of “What” and “How”.  She preferred concepts and skills, patterning, organizing, and analyzing, as well as, inquiring exploring, and problem-solving.  I, on the other hand, lived in “If” and “Why”. My preference was for adaptations and meaning, integrating and evaluating, as well as focusing and generating skills. Knowing this about ourselves helped us appreciate, understand, respect, and leverage our distinct differences.

We were fortunate to share our in-service experience with Dr. McCarthy.  Dr. McCarthy was the creator of the 4MATSystem®, a framework for organizing learning.  4MATSystem® helped learners construct their own meaning, link new information with existing knowledge, and become more actively involved in the learning process.  It made perfect sense that the Seventh Day Adventist (SDA) Carolina Teacher’s Conference would feature instructors like Abernathy and myself, both practitioners that embraced an open-ended learning model.  We each, in our own way, helped learners increase their self-awareness, then leverage that for their benefit.  

Because I earned my Ph.D. at an SDA college, I was familiar with some of their practices.  I shared with Sara that we would likely have all vegetarian meals.  Camp food and vegetarian.  Now that was going to be fun, we both mused.  What I didn’t expect was that there would not be any coffee or other caffeinated beverages available.  We discovered this when we arrived at our Y camp cabin.  Because we had a rental car, we chose to run to a local grocery store to pick up a small coffee maker and a cooler for our “contraband” non-SDA/vegetarian snacks.  Our intention was to get our non-SDA needs met, without disrespecting our hosts.      

Our smuggled goods hidden in our cabin, we headed down to the camp’s horse barn.  Vern had worked for the camp for several years.  Dressed in coveralls wearing a worn, dirty cowboy hat and boots he welcomed Sara and I to his “second home”.  Standing nearby, very uninterested in us, were several horses of different sizes, colors, and breeds.  Some had backs so swayed that there was an obvious “U” shape, indicating they were older.  On many, you could see the sweat mark outline of a western saddle.  Several of the horses had white or gray hairs mixed in with their natural color, indicating injuries or traumas, such as pressure from ill-fitting tack, cuts, or injections, that had damaged the hair follicles.  None of these observations meant the horses were abused or unloved. They were just typical camp horses. 

The teachers, superintendents, and administrative staff of this Seventh Day Adventist school system were all gathered together in the lodge to begin their “Learning from Each Other” Convention.  Following dinner, Sara and I would be introduced, to share our plan for them for the next two days.  We’d explain to them that all seventy-five of them would be divided into groups of three to four people.  Each group will be given the same instructions, though each group would not have the same experience.  The experience would be determined by how the people showed up in relationship to each other and our equine partners. We’d be observing how the horses respond to the humans choices, inquiring about the thoughts behind the behaviors.  Following the last group, we would all gather in the lodge to share the individual and group experiences, looking for themes, “aha’s, and insights transferrable back to their school environment.

We shared the Classroom Corral’s rules with the first group, quickly learning that SDA teachers are not like public school teachers.  They not only are allowed to touch their students, as a Christian school, they are encouraged to give hugs, pats on the back, and hold hands.  Many of the teachers were in buildings similar to one-room schoolhouses, with several grades sharing one teacher.  We told this first group, and the following twelve groups, that while we respected their day-to-day reality encouraged touch, for the sake of this activity we’d be sticking to our original instructions which did not. 

CLASSROOM CORRAL

For the next 45 minutes this corral is your classroom and these horses are your students.  Sara and Tracy are the administrators at your school or building.  You will have 5 minutes to plan a goal(s) with an essential outcome for your student or students and determine a consequence for breaking the rules (see below). You will then be given 30 minutes to execute your plan.  We begin class by ringing the bell and then saying the pledge of allegiance. 

Non-Negotiables (rules): 

1.                   No physically touching the students (horses).

2.                   No using halters or leadropes.

3.                   No bribing or simulating a bribe.

Freedom:

1.                   You can use any of the resources in your community (this corral).

Consequences: 

Breaking a rule requires a consequence.  You may select the consequence, which can be executed by the group or the offending individual or you may elect to accept the individual consequence developed by the administration.

The groups would rotate through with horse partners, Smokey, Leroy, and Jeb.  These geldings started out unengaged, disconnected, and very non-present.  Camp horses are expected to stay in line on the trail, nose to tail, following the horse in front of them day after day.  Basically, to shut down, robotically putting one foot in front of the other. Similar to an employee that is told to check their personal life at the factory or office door; these horses were expected to simply do their jobs. 

Vern was amazed at the transformation of his horses by the end of day one.  The horses figured out that we wanted them to be themselves in the activity, that they were rewarded for showing up and being curious.  Eyes brightened.  Ears perked up.  Each one of our four-legged facilitators was enjoying the experience of working with these humans on the ground, being asked to move through, around and over cones, pvc pipes, and pool noodles. Our intention was to help increase the humans’ self-awareness, and by virtue of our work, we showed Vern a whole new side to horses he thought he knew so well!      

One of the highlights of our time at the SDA conference was with the last group.  The administration.  They entered the horse space engaged and enthusiastic, sharing that they had heard only good things about the experiences from their teachers and staff.  They were amazing and delighted by the differences between the group experiences, excited to hear our collective debrief later that day.

As we read them the Classroom Corral rules, we noticed that our horse partners were even more interested in the nametags hanging around the necks of Robert, Renee, Ann, Pamela, and Sherry then at any other time.  Smoley, Leroy, and Jeb were not only fully present, they were literally poking their noses into the chests of our participants, lightly nipping at the dangling clear plastic nametags. When we investigated, Sara and I quickly discovered that these leaders had hidden apple pieces and carrot chunks behind the pieces of paper with their name on it.   

This was the only group that tried to cheat by bribing the horses.  The administrators’ intention was to be the best.  To “win”.  Since our goals had nothing to do with winning, or even the task, this choice of sneaking in treats for the horses really opened up some great dialogue. 

When we debriefed the equine experiences with the whole group, two major themes emerged.  One was the unexpected change in the horses’ behavior over the two days.  The participants recognized that their groups’ location in the schedule influenced whether the horses were engaged or not.  The educators bridged this occurrence with their students, recognizing how outside circumstances influence the way the children show up in their class on any given day.

The second big “aha” was the choice of the administrators to break the no bribing rule.  Their decision led to rich discussion about how and when the ends justify the means.  Sara and I helped them personally reflect on their own self-awareness, expanding the conversation from their actions to examining the larger system, such as parents, the SDA community, and the educational measurements guiding them.  We also bridged the behavior back to Dr. McCarthy’s 4MATSystem® model.  The feedback was, “You truly helped us learn from each other at this conference.” Our intention and result matched perfectly!   

Recall a time when your results exceeded your intention.  What were the conditions present in the situation?  Can you remember what your body told you about the experience?

Is there a current situation you can apply what you learned, either my exceeding or falling short of your intentions?

Are there places you can apply what you learned to future experiences?  What does that mean in terms of how you are showing up, especially if things do not go as planned?

DIALOGUE

DIALOGUE

The equine-assisted industry has always attracted a cast of characters who create “certifications” and trainings.  These range from organizations with memberships to individual practitioners who brand their style and way of facilitating into a package that is sold to hungry equine-loving people. 

My client, Nicole from Detroit Horse Power (DHP) and I decided to attend the annual conference of one of these organizations.  We’ll call it Hooves and Humans Association (H&HA).  It was a perfect opportunity for Nicole and I to spend a couple hours in a car together getting to and from the event, as well as her first immersion into the culture of one of the many equine-assisted training organizations.  During the three-hour ride, we easily bonded over our shared commitment to DHP, its’ mission, and horses in general.  Throwing in a little interesting family member stories cemented our friendship! 

I’d been helping DHP’s founder, David Silver, from his beginning over a decade ago.  He attended a customized training for equine facilitators at my farm before he started leading his first summer camps. For the last few years, I’d been consulting with Nicole and David to support them in creating an equine-assisted leadership program.  We’re targeting individuals and organizations living and working in the Detroit area who are seeking professional development and personal growth opportunities.  Once the 10-million-dollar equestrian center is built in the heart of the city and the youth programs are running smoothly, plans are to launch these leadership offerings.

The vision is to have a “stable” (bad pun intended) of facilitators available.  For example, when a potential client is interested in DHP’s leadership program we will match them with a provider that can deliver the outcomes they seek. This could range from solving ineffective communication, or healthy conflict, to developing high-performance teams. 

The work we are doing now is to build the infrastructure or framework.  This means we are mining the industry for best practices, while seeking solutions that happily marry with the DHP youth programs.  The more educated Nicole can get about the equine-assisted industry, the better she can guide our process of introducing potential equine-assisted learning partners; encouraging them to become co-creators of our offerings.     

Nicole and I arrived at the conference hotel, grabbed our luggage out of the back seat of her Jeep and headed toward the hotel registration desk.  After checking into our rooms, we agreed to meet back in the lobby in 15 minutes, to check into registration together. 

At the agreed time, we be-lined toward the conference registration tables.  Two smiling ladies in cowboy hats and matching turquoise t-shirts featuring a horse logo greeted us.  They checked our names off their computer list and handed us a flyer with a QR code of the conference schedule.  They instructed us to pick up our nametag on the table next them, then decorate it with a variety of ribbons indicating our interests.  They invited us to grab a pop, coffee, and snacks that were at the far end of the room near the exit door.   They completed their introductory spiel by letting us know that the opening plenary session would begin after lunch in the Spartan Conference room just across from the registration tables.  The morning sessions were labeled with signs outside each breakout room. 

Nicole and I thanked them and took our name tags over to the table covered in brightly colored ribbons.  Checking out some of the other attendees, we noticed people with long “tails” of many ribbons layered, stuck together one after and another. 

The light blue ribbon said “Facilitator”.  The pink, blue, and rainbow ones indicated different gender preferences.  There was a yellow one with the letters “DEI Stakeholder” and an orange one with the words “Mental Health” on it.  There were several that we were confused about and didn’t recognize their meaning.  We determined that those ribbons must be for members of H&HA.  Since we were new to the organization, we felt left out and excluded.  Which, ironically, is the core value of this organization – that EVERYONE belongs. 

Lastly, the turquoise one had the letters “EFL” for equine-facilitated learning.  EFL is an interesting choice, since seven industry leaders worked for two years on a terminology paper.   They concluded that for all things equine learning related, aka nontherapy, the services should be labeled equine-assisted learning in education, EAL in organizations, and EAL in Professional Development. 

This white paper was intended for the industry to come together, eliminating the multitude, I mean hundreds, of confusing acronyms.  The hope was that by creating and agreeing to a universal language, research would be more recognized, with potential funding sources realizing that equine-assisted and equine-facilitated could actually be one in the same.     

Nicole and I tried to figure out what ribbons we related too.  I selected EFL (since there was no EAL) and DEI Stakeholder.  Nicole felt she could only represent DEI Stakeholder.  We commented to each other how we felt like we weren’t part of the in-crowd because of our lack of ribbons.  We also noted that for an organization that prides itself on inclusivity, our first introduction was just the opposite.     

We each attended different sessions throughout the rest of the morning, meeting up at lunch to compare notes.  Each of experienced a “sit and git” type session with the presenter in the front of the room sharing a power point.  Death by power point is one of my main complaints about conferences, especially in a field where we practice experiential learning. 

My frustration for it is followed closely by “the sage on the stage”.  I shared my perspectives with Nicole, who appreciates my intolerance, though neither bothers her nearly as much as it does me.  If we’re such experts at creating engaging learning environments, then why oh why don’t these horse people learn to do better and be better.  It’s one thing for “regular” people to not be familiar with connection before content.  It’s another for an industry that literally embraces somatic practices each time they invite a client to their space.  “How can these people be so ignorant or tolerant?”  I ranted to Nicole.

After lunch we sat next to each other in a large hall filled with about 250 attendees.  The presentation took place in the front of the room (of course!) with two presenters zooming in because they had conflicts in their schedules and couldn’t join us live.  The third monitor featuring a presenter was because she had tested positive for Covid just prior to leaving for the event. 

An additional two women sat in chairs on the stage with microphones in hand.  The session was to share the story about the aforementioned terminology white paper.  Each of the presenters, the three zooming in and the one on the stage sat on the two-year committee determined to come to a consensus regarding language. Our host, Margaret, the Executive Director of Hooves and Humans Association was the monitor for the session.

At some point Margaret referred to her work as EFL.  My head quickly swiveled to turn wide-eyed to Nicole, mouthing the gesture of biting my tongue.  Not one person on the panel questioned Margaret’s reference!  Nobody in the room questioned her as to why she had not adopted the new terminology.  This was the opposite of a dialogue.  It was an outrage to me, lacking so much integrity, it took everything in me to stay in my seat.

After the session, Nicole and I stood in the open conference area, reliving what we just witnessed.  I shared with her that I was disappointed that none of the women who devoted so much time and energy to creating a universal language even inquired as to why Margaret preferred EFL.  Sadly, I shared, this is another example of the lack of investment, or healthy risk taking, which was undermining the potential power the industry could collectively deliver. 

I further explained to her that through dialogue we’re able to allow for difference, seeking understanding.  I mused aloud that if they’d have had that conversation in a horse pasture, the horses would have called BS, relocating as far away from these inauthentic people as possible.  As with the equine work, we both left the conference with new unexpected insights by staying open to what emerged right in front of us.

Recall a time when you’ve wanted to challenge someone on a statement they’ve made.  If you did, what were the circumstances that allowed you to move into that space?  If you didn’t, what were the barriers that stopped you?

Have you been challenged by someone on a statement you’ve made?  How did that make you feel?  What did you do about it?

When entering into future conversations, what can you do to invite inquiry and dialogue?  How will you know you’re successful?     

THE END IS THE NEW BEGINNING

THE END IS THE NEW BEGINNING

Drew, my accountant, invited me to provide a training day for him and his staff of six women. One of the best compliments a small business owner can get is to have a stakeholder or supplier hire you for your services.  Equine-Assisted Learning (EAL) puts all of the participants in a very vulnerable spot because of its’ experiential nature.  We’re not a cookie cutter program that is “teaching” a process for more effective communication.  We create opportunities for people to “fail” and learn from those mistakes with our horse partners.  We then help our clients discover and commit to actions that transfer those lessons back to their workplace.  Authentic leaders are willing to put themselves in this exposed environment so that they can learn and grow.  Their new insights offer opportunities to make impactful changes to themselves and their organizations. 

One of our favorite activities for humans and horses is to invite the humans to build a course for the horses to go through.  PVC pipes, colorful pool noodles, orange traffic cones, and other horse-safe stuff.  Drew’s dad, W. Don, who started the firm, was retiring at the end of the year.  The path we invited Drew and his team to make was to represent a future without W. Don at the helm. 

We explained that for the first five minutes they could talk and plan what they were going to do.  After the five minutes, if they talked or touched a horse there would be a consequence.  Sara and I explained that they are the ones to decide the consequence.  The rules were that whatever they decided would have to be done here and now.  It needed to be able to be done multiple times, in case they broke the rules more than once.  Lastly, they were asked if only the offender would be doing the consequence or if the whole group would be.  After a little discussion, they decided that it would be a whole group consequence, reasoning that they were here today for team building and being accountable to all would support them reaching that goal.  The consequence would be jumping jacks.  We asked how many?  Three. 

They spent five minutes of planning reviewing all of the toys.  After the planning phase, they entered the arena with the horses and starting laying out the pvc pipes, cones, hula hoops in two parallel lines.  Even though my horses have seen these same props many times, Chalie curiously sniffed some toys.  Diva moved around the arena, checking out the toys and people, tempting them to engage more with her.  Tigger couldn’t be bothered, she just stood watching the work, patiently waiting to see what would happen next.

The group worked together, using some the pool noodles like an extension of their arms creating pressure which moved the Charle through the path. When he got through to the end all of people turned to look at Sara and I as if to say, “We did it.  Now what” Yet, not one person actually said anything, so we didn’t either.

Not getting the reaction they sought from us, they all kind of shrugged and got back to work trying to get Diva and/or Tigger through the path.  Tigger wasn’t having any of it.  She really doesn’t move unless it’s her idea or she’s enticed through pressure, food, or another incentive such as fear.  D was more willing and responded, like Charlie did, to the noodle pressure;  she moved from one end of the path to the other.  Again the group looked at us, the facilitators, and again, nobody said anything. Once again, we didn’t either.  They shrugged and got back to work.  This repeated itself a few more times. 

Sara and I whispered to each other checking in to make sure we were in agreement that we shouldn’t save them or interrupt their process.  Our instincts were that the learning was happening in the struggle of their being uncomfortable.  They KNEW they had accomplished the goal, yet here they were, repeating the activity over and over because we hadn’t acknowledged it.    

Finally, it was approaching lunch time.  I called Drew and his team into a circle and asked what just happened.  They explained that they completed the task and were waiting for us to tell them they were done.  I inquired, why didn’t they ask us? They said because we told them they couldn’t talk.  No, we explained, they couldn’t talk without a consequence.  Meaning, if they talked and it meant they broke the rule they would have had to do three jumping jacks.  If they talked and we didn’t think that a rule was being broken, no jumping jacks.  In other words, had they asked us if they were done they would have been done with the activity about forty-five minutes ago.

We asked them how the horses responded to the activity.  They noted that Tigger didn’t really move much.  We all laughed.  D and Charlie were willing to go through the path when they used the noodles as wands.  We dug deeper and asked if the horses seemed upset or bothered by repeatedly going through the path.  Mary acknowledged that they seemed more bored than frustrated.  We shared with them that the horse’s behavior, of being calm and present, was an indicator or their organizational culture.  That because they weren’t frustrated or irritated by the repeating of the activity, the horses read that energy and that’s why they were also calm and simply kept doing what they were asked.  We shared that we’ve worked other groups, such as a sales team, that is driven by effective and timely results. Because a sales culture is high energy, we’ve witnessed horses running all over the place to the point of becoming dangerous. 

The big take-away for the group was that their world, as accountants and financial advisors, was to work independently with established deadlines set by the state and federal governments.  Now that Drew would be in charge, he would have to step into that new role.  Over lunch we brainstormed various ways to support Drew in the transition.

A couple of their key lessons learned were that they didn’t clearly define “success” at the outset, so they didn’t know when or if they achieved it.  That they need to think more about the actual “consequences” and evaluate whether takings risks are worth it. They acknowledged that individuals made many, and different assumptions, yet did not take any action to confirm or deny those assumptions.  They also thought if they didn’t get caught, it did not count.  Lastly, they acknowledged they fell into “group think” and subjugated their individual needs (bored, restless, confusion) rather than risk the “consequence”. What they realized was if they weren’t careful and paying attention, that they could be wasting time and resources if they didn’t step back and take a look at the bigger picture.

They came up with seven action plans to transfer the learning. These included having regular staff meetings where they could all come together to share goals and challenges. Each of them established SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound) goals, holding each other accountable for reaching them.

Life – not just human life – all life is a series of cycles.   Sometimes endings are clear, planned, and expected.  Other times they are sudden, not recognized at the time as an ending.  In either case they may be welcomed or unwelcomed.  Regardless, an ending is only half of the equation, there is also a new beginning.

Share a time when you welcomed an ending of something even though you were scared or uncertain about a new beginning?

What lessons have you learned from that experience and how does it inform your life decision-making now?

Can you think of a future experience where you can leverage your new found awareness to improve a situation, circumstance, or event?