SELF-ESTEEM2
Eleven people, four women and seven men, dressed in comfortable preppy clothes of collared shirts, khakis, with a few pairs of jeans thrown in sat around a weathered wooden picnic table, the remaining people in scattered white stackable plastic chairs. We were located on a bright green grassy area just outside the indoor arena at Whispering Pines Farm. Stacie, Tam, and I were delivering one of our first Equine Assisted Learning (EAL) team development programs.
The client was my former next-door neighbor, Randy. Randy recently left an engineering career to buy a restoration franchise. He and his business partners were willing to help us practice our program model; in part because I was willing to provide the workshop free of charge. Our relationship, built on years of trust and shared experiences, helped support his willingness to test out this un-proven “horse stuff”.
Randy and I became good friends when I lived next door to him with my now ex-husband, Bill, and our two girls. Our two families, his wife Chris and their twin sons, spent time swimming in their pool, trick or treating together, and playing games such as euchre and dominos. We lived through a category 5 tornado together, with both families experiencing life-changing consequences. The wake-up call of the tornado ultimately led to me file for a divorce; while Randy left a successful engineering career to purchase the franchise. His decision ultimately led to Chris divorcing him because of the insecurity of the franchise opportunity, as well as the extra pressure on their marriage.
Following the tornado, yet before the marital separations, Randy and I shared many meaningful conversations during the two years I was completing my master’s degree. We were both deeply invested in learning how successful businesses were created and maintained, especially small businesses. Once I graduated with my Ph.D., found The Alchemist, and Stacie, the friendship between Randy and I created a safe place for me to test out our corporate programs. I felt confident that the feedback from his people could help guide us to design experiences that would enhance their self-awareness, as well as their business culture.
Stacie and I crafted what we thought would be the best program design to meet Randy’s objectives. We began with a pre-assessment questionnaire. The four-question survey asked each person about their best day, worst day, what they would like to get of a team building experience, and a question that asked about something their co-workers would not know about them. I copied and pasted all the info, sharing the results with the group.
The two opening questions provided information about the organization’s culture. We gleaned from this that they liked to be productive, they expressed that it was important for them to work together as a team, a “best day” meant they felt appreciated, and that people had a positive attitude. Worst day descriptions were the opposite. A worst day meant that customers weren’t happy, the feeling of being unproductive, and the lack of teamwork.
The last question intentionally shifted the energy from the cognitive, or in your head, to something fun and engaging. For example, Randy shared, “In my 10th grade I was carried out of a high school dance due to over intoxication. As you can imagine I was cheerfully greeted by my parents outside!” For us, an owner boasting to his employees about intoxication in 10th grade gave us another hint to their organizational culture.
With Phancy and Al, our two young Egyptian Arabian geldings, athletically trotting around the arena, we explained Billiards to the group. First things first, there would be a consequence if someone talked. After a spirited discussion, they all agreed the consequence to talking would be to remove an article of clothing. We probed the decision, confirming that the consequence would be done here and now, could be done multiple times, and would only be imposed on the rule breaker.
The competitive sales culture that ruled this organization, established by the entrepreneurial male business partners, clearly dominated the decision. Their high self-esteem and confidence over-road any other suggestions made by the less forceful members of the group. Stacie and I realized that we could “trust the process” when it came to building activities. We recognized that day, early in our EAL journey, that people will show you who they are by the choices they make, as well as their method of choice making.
Now that the consequence was set, we lined them up, each taking a turn to try to move one of the horses into a pvc “pocket”. Mike ran out into the space with the horses, waving his arms, trying to turn them toward a pocket at the far end of the arena. Phancy literally galloped one way, while Al took off in the opposite direction, kicking up his heals as he went.
Stacie shouted out to Mike to be watchful of those hooves, and Mike replied, “I’ve got this!” His verbal response, Stacie reminded him, required him to take off a piece of clothing. He removed his jacket, tossing it towards the line of waiting fellow team members standing between two buckets filled with water.
I hollered time. Mike ran to get back in line, while the second person, Kelly, more quietly moved into the space with the horses. Al, sensing his opportunity, squared up, then started to pee. He created quite a large steaming puddle in the sand. Kelly avoided the smelly urine, choosing to try to get Phancy into the nearest pocket.
Kelly’s time up, it was now Rod’s turn. Before leaving the line, I caught Rod talking to Randy, strategizing about how best to use his turn. I reminded him that because he had talked, he’d have to remove an article of clothing. Not wearing a jacket, he chose to remove a shoe. Running in one shoe and one white athletic sock, Rod headed toward the horses, forgetting about the pee pile. He splashed smack dab in the center of it, sending a cascade of urine in every direction. Rod’s peers openly laughed, pointing at his yellow drippy urine-soaked sock.
Undaunted by the soaking wet sock, Rod continued to chase the horses. The boys, Phancy and Al, were again responding to this high energy, running, bucking, and kicking in the air. I turned to Stacie and Tam, sensing this was getting out of control, asking my equine specialists if we should call the activity. They agreed, so Stacie stepped forward, held her hands up, getting the attention of everyone. The minute her hands went up, Rod stopped running and so did the horses. Now, with everyone calm, she told them we had enough info to learn from the experience. A few grumbles could be heard from the people who hadn’t gotten a turn yet; while the group moved toward the plates of food Tam was finishing putting out.
People spread out over the yard, sitting in pairs and small groups, all chatting about the morning’s activities. After about a half-hour, when everyone had thrown their empty plates in the garbage, we invited the group to circle up to debrief. They openly shared how much they learned about themselves and their co-workers. They told us how fun it was, especially watching Rod run through horse pee – something none of us could have imagined would be a highlight of the experience!
Two weeks following our team building with the horses, we asked them to complete a survey to learn what changed, what stayed with them, and the impact of their EAL experience. The post-survey felt risky, and necessary, testing Stacie and my value. We challenged our self-esteem by inquiring as to whether our assumptions about our successes were real. Fortunately, we learned that our program design not only worked, the “interactions among the employees paralleled that of the everyday office environment”. Bingo – now it was time to market this “horse thing” to paying clients!
Recall a time when your self-esteem was high, so you took some risks for the first time. What happened? What worked successfully?
Do you apply what you learned from that experience in other situations? If so, how? Do you do it consciously and if so, what steps do you purposefully incorporate into your process?
In the future, where would you like to encourage your self-esteem to grow? What actions are you going to take to help make that change happen?