CONNECTION

CONNECTION

Our third stakeholder demonstration for Detroit Horse Power (DHP) was initiated by Nicole sending out a detailed invite, bringing together seven high-powered decision-makers from the city of Detroit.  The group arrived open-minded, engaged, and willing to connect.  For example, the pre-assessment closing question, “Tell us something the other participants might not know about you”, revealed that Elana was an adoptee.  Darrin shared that he was also an adoptee, making an unknown connection between them known.  We also learned they all had strong relationships to either/and/or DHP’s mission, David, or Nicole. 

We made our introductions in our usual Kaleidoscope Learning Circle (KLC) way, inviting our guests to pick one of three open ended questions.  1) Briefly share a favorite place, explaining why.  2) If you were a song, what would it be and 3) If you were/are a superhero what is your superpower?

Danny, credit union CEO, kicked things off explaining he couldn’t pick just one song.  He’d be a playlist with a variety of songs, based on his mood that for that day.  He then started to answer the other two questions, when the entire group interrupted him.  Somewhat embarrassed, he apologized, telling us he didn’t see the “Pick One” instruction.  Everyone else took their turn, including our DHP hosts, David and Nicole.  Their involvement cemented their role for the day, that they could be both hosts and participants.

It was a beautiful September day, bright blue sky, puffy white clouds, with a soft warm breeze.  Stacie and I decided to try something she’d found very successful, yet we’d never done before.  We invited our group to a grounding activity.  We all stood out in the pasture, as eight horses and a cow (yes, a cow) wandered around us. We were guided by Stacie’s soothing voice to notice our bodies.  Notice our breath.  Listen.  What sounds did we hear? She suggested we notice the thoughts coming into our minds, then let them move on, clearing our busy brains to fully experience the space we were in now. 

Now fully present and mindful we invited the participants to meet and greet the horses.  After giving them plenty of time to mosey around the pasture, we circled them back up; then asked them what struck them about the experience.  Danny again showed his willingness to be vulnerable.  He shared that he was more afraid than he expected.  As a leader, he didn’t anticipate that he would be intimidated by these animals.  His comments were a perfect segway for us to ask about times when we were with people and we felt anxious.  Everyone made the connection from horse experience to human experience, agreeing that we might be fearful with strangers or being in a strange place.

The next activity was thumb wrestling.  Thumb wrestling exposes and explores our implicit assumptions about competition and collaboration.  It invites discussion about how our mental models can create unintended consequences, if we are not fully present.  After pairing people up, the instructions are to get as many pins as possible.  After a minute, I called the activity, asking everyone how many pins they earned.  Danny and Rebecca 76.  Darrin and Chris, one each.  Tarsha and Elana, five and seven.  Adam and David, two and three.

I asked Danny how they got so many?  He shared that he had participated in a similar activity with arm wrestling pins, so he knew that if you worked collaboratively instead of competitively you would earn more pins.  He convinced Rebecca that they had to take turns pinning, to reach the stated goal. 

The last activity, Billiards, would take place in the arena, a smaller, better-sized place than the pasture.  We selected three horses to partner with, deciding to work with ones the group was already familiar.  Lacey is a big beautiful draft, which Nicole brought into the arena.  We tied her to the loop on the wall, knowing she would stand quietly until the other two horses were brought in.  Noticing that she was standing on three legs, not putting pressure on her rear left leg, I asked David to go over and check it.  He didn’t feel any heat or see a cut, so we concluded her problem was likely an abscess.    

Because billiards required moving the horses into pre-established “pockets” of two pvc pipes, we decided to partner with another horse instead of three-legged Lacey.  Stacie brought in Shocky, holding her while David and Nicole brought in the last two, Stormy and Lexi. 

Once we put up the pvc pole barrier, we let the horses loose.  Shocky pinned her ears, pushing Stormy and Lexi away from the people.  We waited a bit for them to sort themselves.  They settled down when Stormy and Lexi noticed the round bales of hay being stored in the back of the arena.  Hay being much more interesting than people, they both headed towards the grub. 

Shocky, on the other hand, seemed pleased to have the people all to herself.  We learned later from Charlotte, Starz Equestrian Center owner, that Shocky is normally the last one caught because she is the lowest of the herd hierarchy.  The unusual set of conditions, her being alone with the people, gave her a confidence she did not normally display.  Charlotte was quite surprised to hear that Shocky had connected so strongly to the people, willing to “claim” them, by pushing the other horses away. 

We lined the people up, asking them to sort by eye color.  Darrin shared that he was color blind, so would need some help.  Discovering someone’s inability to see different colors never occurred to me.  His vulnerability to share led to Elana acknowledging that her husband was also color blind.  Once they decided on the line up, we invited them to stand between two buckets filled with water.  The consequence they chose if anyone talked when it wasn’t their turn was to bark like a seal three times while clapping their hands. 

Elana took off, wrapped her arm around Shocky’s neck moving her in to the “pocket” space of two pvc pipes angled fairly close together.  Her three minutes up, I shouted, “time”.  Next up was Darrin.  He pretty much followed Elana’s lead, getting the mare nearly inside the pvc pipe pocket.  Tarsha was next.  She was not as confident about being around horses, so pretty much just walked along side Shocky, not moving her into the pocket.  Adam took his turn, again moving Shocky into a pocket, this time the one on the other side of the arena which I purposefully spread really far apart.  Intermittently, I’d remind those on the sidelines to “stay between the buckets.”   

During her turn, Rebecca asked if as the leader she could talk.  Up to this point, no one had taken advantage of their ability to talk when it was their turn.  Classically, focusing on what they couldn’t do, rather than what they could.  I confirmed that she could talk without a consequence.  She turned to the whole group, standing between the buckets, suggesting that they work together by picking up the buckets and making one long line. The group snaked towards the horses, when I shouted “time”.  Danny followed her lead and they all moved as one.  Lastly, Chris asked if they could move the pvc pipes.  I asked him if I said they couldn’t?  He responded, “No” so they picked up the pipes and made them as large as the arena as time ran out.   

Because we were ahead of schedule, Stacie, Nicole, and I debated as to whether we should do another activity.  Nicole suggested a leading activity, since we hadn’t done that yet.  Stacie, started spit balling some ways we could make it work.  I felt like throwing the activity in just because we had extra time was the wrong answer.  After mulling it over, I suggested we invite them all to journal the day.  Creating the space for them to make their own personal connections to the work, each other, and themselves.  David agreed, and later admitted he was afraid they would all just get on their phones after writing a few sentences.  Instead, he witnessed some deep and thoughtful journalling.   

We all moved into the conference room for lunch.  Darrin, a university professor studying entrepreneurship, asked Stacie and I our origin stories.  We gladly shared our humble beginnings.  He mused that wasn’t incredible to realize that if my 1998 Master’s degree at Rochester Institute of Technology had not included the experiential “red barn” experience and the facilitator hadn’t told me about the Association of Experiential Education that none of us would be connected here.

After rich discussion about equine-assisted learning and DHP’s future programming, we closed the day with my Kaleidoscopian Processing cards.  Going around the room, it was Darrin’s turn.  He started to well up, getting tears in his eyes.  Unable to speak, he asked to pass and come back to him.  Tarsha went next, then Rebecca.  Now it was Danny’s turn.  He too, became emotional when he shared the card he picked and its’ profound impact. 

The connections made that day were magical.  In reflecting on what was the “secret sauce” that made this possible, David, Nicole, Stacie, and I all agreed that there were several factors that contributed to such a heartfelt experience for seven strangers in four hours.  A reminder that sometimes, being in a space with others who are willing to be authentic and vulnerable can lead to seeing others and being seen.  

Recall a time when all the conditions aligned and you lived through a magical experience?

Have you replicated, or tried to replicate, those conditions in future settings?  How did that work or not work out?

What lessons have you learned that you can take into future adventures?

DESIRE

DESIRE2

“Trusting the process” is a phrase that is imbedded in most experiential facilitation and most definitely in all Kaleidoscope programming.  Some of the most magical experiences have been when we recognize a learning opportunity that emerges, outside of the desired program outcomes.  A time that magic happened was when a local social services agency worked with us to provide a three-prong program; we designed two half-day staff trainings at my farm, which sandwiched a program at their facility for the youth they served. 

Following the first staff training at Kaleidoscope, the next phase was to introduce the 80 residential boys, over two seven-hour days, to our horses.  This part of the program scared with living crap out of me!  We would be going behind barbed wire fences dealing with locked up offenders of both sexual criminal conduct, or as a result of being in the juvenile justice or foster care system.  Many had behavioral issues such as aggression, self-harm, or substance abuse.  These students lived as inmates in a 24/7 locked down, gated, guarded facility.      

Stacie and Amber, both licensed mental health professionals, were giddy with delight.  They knew and loved helping this population.  Their desire to help the kids and my desire to help the adults, was a beautiful marriage of our strengths in partnering with horses to help all sorts of humans.    

Rules from the agency included:  No compacts, purses, pins, lipstick, chains, jewelry, earrings, barrettes or combs, bandanas, or sunglasses. No glass or metal.  Nothing in our pockets.  No pencils or pens.  No touching.  No second chances! Anything missing, everything stops.  Nothing happens until we find what is missing.  Clothing – no tight pants, shorts, and blouses must be buttoned all the way up. Truck keys should be turned into the agency.   

Staff for each of the hallways, North, South, East and West, were invited to share in the experience by standing outside the roundpen while the boys rotated in and out of the activity.  The staff that had more general roles, such as the teachers, watched as long as their schedules would allow.

We divided the groups of 6-8 boys into pairs, so that Amber and Stacie could have one-on-one experiences with each of the 80 residents.  The participants’ task was to halter and lead, then groundtie the horse. Basically, a “walk and talk” horse, client, and therapist just hanging out, leaning into the experience.

This population was numbed by not being seen or heard, having been traumatized repeatedly. The expertise of our facilitators, Stacie and Amber, coupled with the openings created by leading (or trying to lead) a horse provided opportunities in mere minutes that could take days or longer to accomplish in a talk therapy setting.  The required presence of the client, in a new and unfamiliar situation, along with the perceived risk of partnering with a horse, reinforced a trusting relationship with Stacie and Amber by virtue of the kid agreeing to even step into the roundpen with them. 

For the most part, rock solid Tigger and Charlie, were more interested in the grass than the kids.  They respectfully lifted their heads when asked politely or continued to eat when the boy did not make his intention or “ask” clear.  This allowed Amber and Stacie to process the interaction, bridging the horse experience to other “asks” in the kids’ lives, focusing on the results of their actions.  In their short time together, these experienced facilitators helped the inmates better understand how the story behind their actions influenced outcomes; opening the possibility of changing the story, thus changing the outcomes.

It was interesting to see the boys come out of the blond brick building, turn the corner, to see Tigger.  Some of them threw up their arms, feigned a heart attack (ala Fred Sanford of Sanford and son) exaggerated their responses at the size of her, most never having been near a horse, let alone a draft horse. 

My main job was supporting the boys who were waiting their turn or who had already had a chance to partner with the horses.  Several of the kids would eagerly tell me about their dogs, thinking that the relationship with their canine friends was similar to spending time with horses.  I patiently repeated, for the umpteenth time, that horses were prey animals, while dogs and humans are predators. 

On day two, the adults that had been there most of the time started to get more comfortable, becoming familiar with our routine.  The more comfortable the adults got, the more uncomfortable I got. I remember one incident in particular, when a tall, quiet, black kid said he did not want to go in with the horses.  A younger teacher who had been on the sidelines with me both days, said

“DeShawn you’ve got to go in there.  You may never get another chance like this to be so close to a horse.”

DeShawn answered, “Naw, Man, I ain’t interested”.

The teacher pushed harder, “You’ll REALLY regret dude.  This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.”

DeShawn moved further away from the group and the roundpen, vigorously shaking his head NO.

The back and forth exchange between the two went on for a few more rounds, with other teachers joining the young teacher in taunting DeShawn.  Their desire was to encourage him, though they were having the opposite impact. 

I finally stopped the conversation by saying to the entire group,

“Listen, teachers and staff. DeShawn is saying “No”.  Isn’t it a good thing that he knows what is best for him.  Wouldn’t you serve him better by respecting his decision, regardless of YOUR desire?  Don’t you want to reward him for knowing what HE wants, despite disappointing you, he is willing to stand up for what he believes is best for him.”

I then shared one of my favorite quotes of all time, that Peter Block tell us that, “If you can’t say No, then Yes has no meaning.” 

The teachers sheepishly started to affirm to DeShawn that it was okay if he didn’t want to go in.  They told him they respected his decision.  This time the lesson for our clients came from me, a present two-legged facilitator.  Because I was willing to call the clients out on their behavior, I helped them recognize the unintended consequences of their actions.

Stacie and Amber were not aware of my exchange with the staff until we are loaded up and in my Kaleidoscopian adorned dually returning Tigger and Charlie back to the farm.  They were so engaged in their own interactions with the boys, that they were oblivious to anything that happened outside the roundpen.  When they learned about my respectful “calling out” they both affirmed that not only did we make a short-term difference in the lives of these residents, maybe, just maybe, we had a lasting impact on future decisions of the staff. 

Recall a time when your actions did not get the desired results?

Can you apply the lessons from that experience to anything in your life now?

What additional choices can you make in the future to get the results you desire?   

PERSONAL POWER

PERSONAL POWER

In 2005 Rochester Institute of Technology (RIT) accepted my proposal to offer an equine-assisted learning (EAL) session for their Pluralism Conference.  RIT is where I earned a master’s degree and was a faculty member for several years.  Our proposal was accepted because we explained that horses respond to a person as they show up in relationship with them.  They frankly don’t care if you have money, status, or a title such as CEO, President, or the biggada boss.  Understanding that difference is our only opportunity for learning (Michael Broom) invites infinite possibilities and curiosity.  We, then, have agency and can offer the same to others, seeking to leverage the positive for mutually beneficial outcomes. 

We, my equine specialist and friend, Sara and I, secured a barn and horses near the RIT main campus.  A group of eight students from RIT’s National Technical Institute for the Deaf, their interpreter, and a RIT faculty member chose to spend the afternoon with us.  We began the EAL experience in our standard way with “meet and greet” experiential activities for both horses and humans.  Creating connection before content is a core value of Kaleidoscope’s programming. 

We were in an indoor horse arena with a large open area where horses were walking, sniffing the ground, and settling into the space together.  The humans are nearby, separated from the horses by a corral.  The humans are invited to enter the horse’s space and greet each one however they feel comfortable.  A greeting can be from a distance, just making eye contact, or close, including friendly scratches for the horses. Not only is the approach decided by each individual, we also do not prescribe anything about the exchanges, such as how long, only one person per horse at a time, etc.   Our lack of specific direction allows us, as facilitators, to witness the choices made by the participants.  Do they pay attention to how their actions impact others’ experiences?  How do the horses respond – do they move away or toward anyone?  What is the energy of the experience – is it heightened and frantic or calm and peaceful?      

The second activity we invited participants to experience was “catch and halter”.  The sequence of meet and greet – just being in a shared space for horses and humans - to asking something of each other, haltering, moves both beings from strangers into building relationships.  One of our jobs as facilitators is to create a place where humans, who may be unfamiliar with hanging out with 1,200-pound hooved animals, get more comfortable.  There’s a sweet spot creating engaged learning environments, which is just outside the comfort zone in the learning edge.  Not everyone’s “edge” is the same, so there is some mastery in managing this space for all the participants. 

For catch and halter, the participants were invited to halter the horses.  A halter is designed to go over the horses’ ears, with the horses’ nose in the center and a snap or tie under the throat.  Again, the participants were not given any specific instructions, nor were they shown the “correct” method of putting on a halter.  We designed this activity to support a learning philosophy of “no right or wrong, just different”.  And the students did not disappoint!  Halters were put on upside down, lead ropes were clipped to the sides of the halter, instead of the bottom; truly many creative alternatives to the standard way of haltering a horse!  Thankfully, our four-legged facilitators stood calmly and allowed for all sorts of learning to safely take place. 

An additional element to the activity is we invited the participants to take part in haltering without talking.  If they talked then they would have a consequence of their choosing.  Because this was the first time we worked with a deaf population, we engaged in an open conversation about what “talking” meant.  It was mutually decided that our rule meant no verbal communication or sign language would be allowed without a consequence.

Nonverbal communication is critical to all animals. While many humans may think they are primarily responding to verbal communication, significant research has shown that we instinctually and unconsciously read and react to nonverbal signals in greater proportion than the spoken word. Horses and other animals are masters at reading subtle changes in body language and other nonverbal cues. For example, a horse’s ears tell you many things about their mood, where their attention is, and in combination with their eyes they can be very expressive and interpretive.  Learning to understand the subtle cues of the equine language requires focus in a way that can help people really “see what they are looking at,” inviting one to stay in the present moment.  

One of the most interesting take-aways from this session was that the individual most challenged by our “no talking rule” was the student’s interpreter.  She shared how she struggled with not being able to fulfill her role as a communicator for the students.  Was this because more of her identity and sense of self was tied to the limitation or rule imposed? 

How often do we inadvertently put ourselves in a similar situation to what the interpreter was feeling?  Meaning, where do we experience limiting beliefs that get in our way of moving forward and threaten our sense of self?  One of the reasons that EAL can be so powerful to human development is because we create a safe place to practice challenges, barriers, and constraints such as imposing a no talking rule.   We then debrief, allowing for reflection and insight into alternative choices.  This opportunity is important because, “We see the world not as it is, rather we see it as we are” (Anaïs Nin).     

Each of us has abilities and disabilities, some visible and most invisible.  These aspects of who we “are” constantly changes, evolves, and informs our actions both consciously and unconsciously.  This is why the adage, that “actions speak louder than words” holds true.  The more self-aware we become the better the chances are that we will make decisions that are congruent with our intentions. 

Where does our personal power have the most impact?  Eistein offers us insight… A human being is a part of the whole that we call the universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest--a kind of optical illusion of his consciousness. This illusion is a prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for only the few people nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living beings and all of nature. ~ Albert Einstein

Recall a time when the story you told yourself reduced or eliminated your personal power.  What happened? What helped you recognize that you had abdicated your power?

Do you have practices or rituals that help support your in maintaining your power?

Is there a situation you anticipate in the future where you are at risk of allowing your power to be diminished?  What can you do proactively to maintain your power? 

VISION

VISION

One of Kaleidoscope’s early programs was participating in the Midwest Student Outdoor Educators Conference.  Amber and I loaded up Tigger and Al to head to the west side of the State.  We enthusiastically filled the two- and half-hour drive with plans for the year, family challenges, and industry gossip. 

Amber was starting her newly minted mental health practice, Bridgewater Support Services, llc.  She was imagining a future filled with equine-assisted programs for individuals and groups.  Her preferred population was working with youth, which she could offer in the evenings and weekends after she finished her shift in the hospital Emergency Room.  Her vision was to build the business so that she could provide Equine-Assisted Mental Health Services full-time.  I was delighted that Kaleidoscope programs were growing, so that I could offer her opportunities to make money, expand her network, and be a part of a variety of different experiences.

I was super excited about the year ahead.  Already on the books for the year was creating a high quality video designed to introduce people to our work, being a vendor at both the Great Lakes Bay Regional and the Saginaw Valley Business Expo’s, a demonstration for a legislative bus tour coordinated by our county Convention & Visitors Bureau (with Schaefer & Bierlein sponsoring lunch), and most exciting was a Demonstration, Mundo and Nana called a “Deminar” in Puerto Rico.

We both were growing as practitioners, becoming clearer and more insightful with each client experience.  I had figured out that my preferred target audience was adult learners.  I loved the small group work, where one can provide opportunities for both inter- and intra- personal connections.  Kaleidoscope’s tagline was “Building Relationships.  Creating Possibilities.” Which perfectly represented the experiences we co-created with clients. 

I hadn’t yet hired any consultants to help me map out the details, create action plans, and drill down into the specifics of a strategic plan. That would come later.  Right now, I was too busy with the moving parts of running the farm, keeping the horses, dogs, cats, and other living things healthy, being a single Mom to my very social and active 8th grade and 11th grade daughters, all the while taking advantage of the momentum that was building around our unique selling proposition – equine-assisted learning.

Amber, being the more experienced horse hauler, easily handled my dually and horse trailer.  We arrived at the designated campus location.  It was down a dirt road, near their ropes course in a clearing of a wooded area near the Muskegon River.  We were instructed to turn right down a steep hill then set up our roundpen in the open space at the bottom.  There had been a lot of rain recently, common for April in Michigan, creating soft and mushy ground.  We stopped at the top of the incline contemplating whether we should take the plunge to the bottom.  Unfortunately, there wasn’t anyone from the college around to help us find an alternate location.  With the program scheduled to start soon, we decided to set up where they suggested, at the bottom of the hill. 

Amber slowly started inching downward, when she realized what a bad idea this was.  She stopped abruptly, turned to me wide-eyed, and told me she thought she could make it to the bottom, but wasn’t sure we’d be able to make it back up.  The ground was just too soft.  We could hear dancing hooves banging as Tigger and Al were impatient with our stopping.  They nervously shuffled, slightly rocking the trailer, adding to the tension of the moment. 

Crap.  Now what?  We both took some deep breaths, weighing our options.  We were sitting in an 8,000 lb. horse trailer with one 1,200 lb. horse and a 1,700 lb. draft horse.  Total combined weight, approximately 11,000 lbs.   Amber asked me to call Randy to find out what was the best gear to put the truck in.  Thankfully, he answered right away and told us to put it in four-wheel drive low.  We were outside the truck assessing things, trying to explain the situation to Randy.  He suggested we start by seeing if we could back up. 

We knew we had to get Tiggs and Al off the trailer first to lighten the load.  I was scared to be the one required to hold them out in the middle of nowhere without any security, such as a roundpen or fence.  Fearing they would take off and be gone forever or get hurt, I shared my concerns.  Amber reassured me, building my confidence by reminding me how many times a day I led horses, declaring that I had never lost one.  I awkwardly chuckled revealing to her that was not entirely true.  In the early days, Tigger got away from me, though thankfully nothing bad happened.  She laughed, stating that was several years ago, telling me I was a much more accomplished horse person now.  Besides, we had no other choice.  Seeing she was right, step-by-step we backed the horses off the trailer with ease.  Grabbing both leadropes, I moved a few feet away to a grassy area for them to graze. 

She jumped back in the cab to try backing up. The tires created deeper ruts in the muddy slope; chunks of dirt and stones flew everywhere when she hit the gas pedal.  We called Randy back, explaining that simply backing up wasn’t going to work, seeking his advice now.  He suggested we go forward to get more of a running start, then turn the wheel to get out of the existing grooves.  This made sense, but was scary as the incline was steep. 

He asked if we had anything we could wedge under the tires to give us traction.  Horses in tow standing calmly at the end of their lead ropes, we surveyed the compartment in the back of the trailer which housed grooming tools, water buckets, and essential horse stuff like towels and fly spray.  Nothing in that cubby that would be firm enough to help us.  Next, we checked out the living quarters area which housed the roundpen, my portable sign we zipped tied to the roundpen panels, and all the horse-safe toys we’d be using for activities.  Leaning on the wall near the bump-out were two pieces of pressed wood.  We had them in the trailer to create a make-shift table to sign waivers and for spreading out our wisdom horse reflective card deck.  We excitedly grabbed the 4’ x 4’ panels, jamming them on an angle under two of the rear tires. 

I took Al’s lead rope from Amber, moving back to where there was more yummy emerging grass.  Amber hopped back into the truck again and proceeded to drive forward, then reverse.  The boards held and she gently moved the trailer up to flat ground. Mission accomplished!  We tied Tigg and Al to the metal “U” loops on the side of the trailer.  Fortunately, Amber had a lot of experience with tying horses and was confident they would both safely stand when neither of them challenged the lead rope or pulled back trying to get loose. 

Just then an older model blue four-door Chrysler bounced up the dirt road.  It was the Courtney from the Conference.  We excitedly explained our harrowing adventure. She apologized for not realizing the area they recommended for us would not work.  She authentically shared her gratitude that we figured it out and everyone was safe.  Being an outdoor educator herself, she shared with us that she could relate to troubleshooting through unanticipated experiences in nature!     

One key to our success was staying present for both ourselves and the horses.  We never panicked or let our emotions interfere with the task at hand.  The how we overcame this challenge solidified our trust in each other, which is there to this day.  Throughout the experience, we had a shared vision, co-creating a clear understanding of what was possible and what wasn’t.  On top of that, Amber and I followed our hill-side mess by delivering a stellar program that the Conference participants raved about! 

Recall a time when something did not go as planned, a time when your vision for the future was interrupted by a situation you did not anticipate.  What actions did you take?

What lessons did you learn from that experience that you apply in your life today?

If you were to offer someone advise about creating a vision, what one thing you would you share that is critical to support them as a visionary?     

DISCONNECT

DISCONNECT

A local social services agency worked with us to provide a three-prong program; we designed two half-day staff trainings at my farm, which sandwiched a program at their facility for the youth they served.  The agency’s mission was to provide safety, sustenance, nurturing and therapeutic interventions to children.  Their services focused on adolescents suffering from the social injustices of abuse and neglect. 

Their students/inmates lived in a 24/7 locked down, gated, guarded facility.  Many of the residents had substance abuse and addiction challenges requiring staff with specializations, certifications, and therapeutic backgrounds.   

When we met with the principal of the school who hired us to provide this in-service training, we discussed at length the importance of her staff investing in themselves and their relationships with one another.  She was clear that one of our key objectives should be for the adults to have their own equine-assisted learning (EAL) experience as a group of co-workers.  She recognized the passion her team had for the kids and their well-being, often at the detriment of their own interests.    

We began our first staff training with a pre-assessment of: “describe your perfect day, your worst day, what you expect from your equine experience, and the closing question of sharing something others likely do not know about you.” 

The perfect day was what anyone would desire, everyone getting along, honest, open and effective communication, and no problems.

The worst day was also pretty predictable, lack of trust/respect/caring, manipulation, deceit, poor communication and boring meetings. 

When only 13 of the 20 participants responded to our last question, this told us that some were uncomfortable sharing with each other, offering a clue to their unhealthy organizational culture. Their lack of personal investment and willingness to be vulnerable highlighted what the principal sought to overcome, that they were not really interested in their own self-improvement as a team, rather, their main focus was on the kids.  She also guided us to make sure our program design supported these educators in transferring their learning from a “wish” to an action, with accountability to themselves and the group.  Little did we realize how obvious it would be in our second staff training that they were primarily interested in the students.  We learned they thought it was much easier (emotionally safer?) to look externally instead of the hard work of personal growth/change.   

The training included several equine-assisted learning activities, sequenced to support them in creating SMART goals, which we planned to revisit in our second in-service training.  SMART is an acronym for setting goals that are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. This framework helps create clear, actionable objectives by defining what needs to be done, how to track progress, ensuring the goal is within reach, aligning it with larger objectives, and setting a deadline for completion.  

We provided a two-day equine-assisted learning experience for the residents at their facility.  In addition to the educational staff that were participating in these two in-service trainings, the residential staff was also exposed to the power of partnering with horses for personal growth and development. 

Part three of the training was inviting the educators back out to Kaleidoscope for a final half-day.  We invited them to provide us with feedback on their work toward their SMART goals via a survey.  Only six people, out of the twenty participants completed our survey.  Finding that lack of investment very frustrating, I created the following to kick off our meeting:

Once upon a time there was a flock of very, very valuable (and wonderful) chickens.  Now, these were no ordinary chickens, because these chickens worked with the farmer to meet his egg quotas and objectives. 

One way that the chickens learned how to produce enough eggs of the right size was by working together to achieve the larger goal.  Working together was not always an easy task - sometimes the chickens would feel judged, wondering why they should even try and then would shut down and not lay eggs.  On these days even if they laid an egg, it was not one of their best eggs.

On the days that all of the chickens worked together, listened to each other, asked questions when they were unsure of the exact quota, and basically got along, those where the days that made the chickens happy, the farmer happy, and even the farmer’s wife happy (the farmer’s wife didn’t really like chickens at all, so to make HER happy took some doing).

One day near Easter the farmer came to the chickens and told them he had a special quota request – he asked that each chicken lay an egg that was exactly 3 inches tall and 2 inches wide for the next week.  There eggs were going to be used by the Easter bunny, and he was a fussy bunny!  Not a chicken asked a question or even squawked. 

The next day, the farmer was somewhat surprised to find only six chickens had even tried to lay their eggs.  He guessed that maybe the chickens didn’t believe in the Easter bunny, but he wasn’t sure.  He scratched his head and wondered what to do . . . he needed the chickens to continue to work together and life was so much better for everyone when each chicken made a commitment to work for the betterment of the whole group.

Seeing themselves in the chicken story, we were able to transparently move into the rest of the training with them fully present.  Interestingly, the evaluations told us that one of their favorite experiences was the closing activity, making connections by tossing a ball of yarn.

We invited the group to become one big circle.  Then, I took a ball of yarn, tossing it to Stacie.  I shared that Stacie and I had a connection because we both loved being equine-assisted facilitators.  She held her end, then tossed the yarn to one of the participants.  She shared that she had a connection to Dan because they had worked together at a different group home years ago.  Dan then tossed it to one of his co-workers, explaining that their connection was that they both lived in the same town.  On and on this went until every person what holding a piece of the yarn ball, the space between the people appearing to be a spider’s web with the multi-colored yarn crisscrossing each other back and forth.

I then produced a pair of scissors from my back pocket, simulating cutting the yarn.  You could hear an audible gasp from several of the participants.  We explained that often we share these invisible ties with each other, sometimes without even realizing it.  The desire to shed light on those connections takes curiosity, engagement, and commitment.  Several of the participants took us up on the offer to take a small piece of yarn with them, “as a symbol of connection and co-operation.”

This simple activity of tossing a ball of yarn held so much emotional power because of the magical combination of the transparency we established through our chicken story, as well as the honest, genuine, and sincere feedback horses always provide.  We moved not only the yarn, we moved the people, from a clear disconnect to a connection that held meaning beyond their shared love for the kids they served.

Recall a situation where there is a clear disconnect between you and your host.  What are the circumstances that led to this mismatch?

What actions have you taken in future experiences to more carefully align your goals with that of your companions?

What advise would you give your future self to further connect you to those persons, places, and things around you?

SENSE OF PURPOSE

SENSE OF PURPOSE

Women Leaders in the late 1990’s was a radical idea.  Bringing together female professional leaders for monthly lunches to learn, connect, and network was not common. It replicated what many of our male peers took for granted and was considered by some men to be bold and threatening. 

Angelica, the founder of Women Leaders, was a county Chamber of Commerce Vice- President.  She knew the power that could be wielded through women deepening their trust in relationships.  She and two of her sisters held very influential positions in our county governance.  Those connections provided actionable responses to problems that in other circumstances might take longer to occur or possibly not develop.

Several members of WL encouraged me to connect with another member, Beth.  Beth was a life coach, something also pretty new in the 90’s.  I was told she shared my passion for helping people live into their best versions of themselves.  Beth had also been informed by members that she would enjoy meeting me.   

One lunch meeting we found each other – hugged, laughed, and a lifelong friendship was born.  Sitting next to each other that day, in between bites of a seasoned chicken breast, wild rice, and green beans almondine, we brainstormed about providing an introduction to Equine-Assisted Learning.  The women’s series, Seasons of Change was born.  We originally planned to offer four evening sessions from 6-9 p.m. 

Spring:  The Season of New Life.  What is the “something new in your life that you’d like to explore more deeply?  Are you in a new role at home or work?  Was there a recent change in your responsibilities as a wife, mother, sister, or friend?  During our time together we will explore the birth or rebirth happening in your life and we will fertilize and prepare your soul to help you grow and blossom.

Summer:  Brings Warmth.  Chapters in our lives sometimes possess a summer quality – longer periods of natural light, where we wish we could press a “pause” button to hold onto the moment forever.  During our time together, we identify the foundations of the “summer” qualities of our lives, mapping out ways to create more of what brings us the warmth and fun.  

Autumn:  Harvest the joys of Autumn.  The rich colors of trees changing and garden’s bounty dance in oranges, yellows, and reds:  feeding us now and into the gray winter months.  Are you embracing the fruits of your efforts and sharing the bounty with others?  During our time together we will identify our behaviors that serve us and our purpose.  Through harvesting your brilliance, you support all you see to grow and nurture for yourself and those you love.

Winter:  Welcome Hibernation.  This program focuses on the power and necessity of hibernation, going within to strengthen your ability to reach out.  You may experience a time in your life where “recharging” I what fulfills you.  During our time together we will identify practices that help you find your center and offer rest for our often overworked and stressed out mind and body.  

Because busy, professional women are busy being professional and mom’s/wives/daughters, etc.; ultimately, we held one session, Summer.  The timing best worked for eight interested participants.  Together, Beth, Stacie, and I crafted the agenda, planned meals, and prepared for a intro to both my work and Beth’s coaching facilitation.     

Our group gathered at my farm and following the standard introductory activities, we moved to the activity of reflective roundpenning. We chose this activity to introduce our participants to pressure, asking, and intention.  The focus was on creating movement of the horse to represent movement in your life in areas that you desire. 

I, and the other participants gathered around the outside of the pen.  Stacie went into the circle where Diva was patiently waiting.  She demonstrated moving Diva around the inside edge of the pen by positioning her body toward her hind quarters.  She focused her energy, faced her with her gently raised her arms, putting pressure on her as an ask to move forward. She walked off slowly, so Stacie increased the pressure by moving closer, asking her to pick up speed.  She started to trot.  Stacie waved her arms adding even more pressure, so Diva begrudgingly began to canter.  After she moved into the canter, Stacie rewarded her behavior by stepping back and releasing the pressure. 

After a short time of her cantering to the right, Stacie shifted her body, turning Diva now to circle to the left.  Having done this countless times, Stacie demonstrated a beautiful dance, with Diva simply doing what she was asked, not showing any frustration.  When Stacie completely took the pressure off, Diva turned toward her and walked into the center of the pen to meet her.  She had “joined up” with her, recognizing her respectful leadership.  

After the demonstration of roundpenning, Janet volunteered to be our first participant.  We opened the gate and she entered.  Diva, ears pointed forward in interest, waited in the center of the arena.  Janet moved toward her, placing her hand below her nose to allow her to sniff it. She then tried to mimic what she witnessed what Stacie had so easily demonstrated. 

 Janet waived her arms and hands trying to get Miss D to the edge of the round pen.  The mare stood firm, not responding to her frantic arm movements.  Janet continued to flap her arms, adding whooshing sounds to the activity.  Diva tilted her head quizzically, looked over at Stacie and I standing outside the roundpen, as if to say, “What in the world does this human want from me?”  Stacie and I both quietly chuckled.  Diva was famous for helping people learn exactly what they needed to, often surprising us and our clients.   

 Janet was clearly getting frustrated by Diva’s lack of interest; Janet tried backing up and running toward the horse trying to get her to move.  After several charging attempt without success, our participant turned and looked at Stacie and I, shrugged as if to say she was giving up.  Our rule was that you don’t help someone unless they verbally ask, even though we could tell by her demeanor that she was wanting for our help.  Waiting patiently, or holding space, for a client to verbally make a request is a powerful facilitative approach; it supports helping people practice asking for what they want, instead of assuming.  It was at this moment that Diva literally turned around and faced the corner, ignoring Janet completely!

Stace and I now stood as firmly as Diva had, mirroring that Janet was best served by making her intention clear.  Janet sighed and then in a very emotional voice,

 “What am I doing wrong? Why can’t I get her to move?”

 I replied, “You’re not clear in your communication with her.  Remember the part where Stacie pointed her energy at Diva’s hind quarter, then released the pressure when she got the desired result.  You’re not aiming your energy in a way she understands.  It might help if you grounded yourself, clearly identifying your intention, however that looks for you.”

 Janet walked to the center of the roundpen and then took the power pose. Diva was enthralled, and turned back from the corner, facing Janet and curious what she was doing.

 Janet stood quietly for a minute, still facing us and turned away from Diva.  She closed her eyes.  Took a deep breath.  Then, she opened her eyes, turned towards Diva, raising her arms in an action-figure power pose, pointing her pelvis towards Diva’s rear quarter. D understood the request.  She started as a gentle trot and then broke into a full gallop running around the pen!  Janet continued her power pose, aiming her energy at Diva, standing in the middle, slowing turning.   

 After Diva traveled around the path three full times, Janet lowered her arms. This brought Diva to a stop.  The mare turned to face Janet, took a deep breath, then walked toward her.  Janet patted her muscled neck, thanking her for the experience. She whispered something softly to the horse that none of us could hear, while tears spilled down her cheeks. She wiped them away with a sleeve while exiting the roundpen.  Our next participant, Dawn patted Janet’s shoulder as they passed each other going through the gate. 

 While Stacie and I debriefed what the experience with the rest of the group; Beth noticed that Janet was quietly sobbing in a corner.  Beth approached her, putting her hand gently on her back.  She leaned closer, then softly asked, what are you feeling?   Janet sighed deeply the turned to face Beth.  Both looked deeply into each other’s eyes, when Janet spoke from her heart telling  Beth,

 “I’d forgotten how powerful I am.”

 Have you ever had a time where you forgot how powerful you are or you gave away your power?

 What action did you take to reclaim your power?

 Is there a situation now that you’d like to be more powerful in?  What action will you take to make that happen, regardless of the consequences?