SERENITY
During the COVID lockdown I decided to start a vegetable garden in the open area near my husband, Randy’s, pole barn two miles from our home. Randy hired a local farmer to till the yards of rich, fertile soil had hauled in. At a local auction, we found and then filled a 225-gallon water tank. We bought weed mats and plants. Finally, we erected a 40 x 40 chain-link fence that was conveniently being discarded from property Randy’s sons recently acquired.
One sunny late August afternoon I was happily barefooted in shorts and tank top weeding my many, many, many tomato plants (Randy talked me into buying double in case some died, so we had 30 plants!). My dog, Kunigunda (Fluffy) was safely out of the sun, curled up in the shade under the water tank. I was absent mindedly listening to a podcast by marketing guru and award-winning author, Seth Godin. Seth was interviewing Chip Conely. I was familiar with Chip’s 2010 Ted Talk, “What makes life worth living worthwhile”.
Chip was first known for his boutique hotel chain, Joie de Vivre. Then, in his fifties he was looking for something new, so he joined Airbnb, a start-up at the time that was being run by a leadership team of 20-somthings. That led him to write the book, Wisdom at Work: The Making of a Modern Elder. Today, Seth was learning about Chip’s latest endeavor, MEA, Modern Elder Academy.
One day on a run in 2018, Chip loves to tell about his “Baja aha moment”. He asked himself, “Why don’t we have a school to help people going through the transitions of life?” He shared with Seth that he, and his co-founders Christine and Jeff, had just purchased Saddleback Ranch in New Mexico. MEA Santa Fe would be dedicated to reframing aging and regenerative principles, using horses.
I stopped my mindless weed pulling and dialed my full attention into the podcast. Santa Fe was near my daughter, Carlye, husband Gabe, and coming soon, my first grandchild. WoW! Was this too good to be true? Could I REALLY be an equine-assisted learning facilitator with an internally recognized organization 45 minutes north of where my future grandchild would be living?! I reached out to my Experiential Training and Development Alliance friend and colleague, David, who lives near Santa Fe. Through his local connections he had been in contact with Christine; she was leading the MEA Santa Fe development. David thought she might be open to learning more about my work. That’s all the encouragement I needed to research the crap out of everything Chip, MEA, and Christine. I located the history of the property, Christine’s background, and reacquainting myself with all of Chip’s work. I must have listened to Chip’s “Aha in Baha” a half a dozen times!
I emailed Christine and she told me they had an exclusive agreement with a local NM equine expert, Kelly Wendorf. Not to be deterred from the vision I now had of being part of this amazing personal growth community, I signed up for their inaugural Santa Fe session, “Spirituality + Health in Midlife and Beyond”.
I decided the best way to identify whether I was a right fit with MEA was to be a student first. There was no good reason not to: I had the resources (the course and flights would be in the several thousand dollars) and I had the freedom (Randy agreed to watch Fluff). Best of all, the program was scheduled a month after my grandchild was expected to arrive in this world.
I signed up and committed myself to attending with a “Beginner’s Mind”. Beginner’s mind is the Zen Buddhism practice of approaching tasks, studies, or life with an attitude of openness, and curiosity, even when one is an expert. This was a critical promise on my part, as it would instill an intentional ritual of serenity. As a facilitator, I always have a running dialogue of judgement whenever I am participating in a facilitated event. I recognized I was attending this workshop because I had an “agenda” of wanting to be recognized for my equine prowess. Instead of focusing on that as a desired outcome, I decided to actively work toward simply being myself, trusting the process, allowing for spirit to guide me.
At the opening reception, I approached Christine to introduce myself. I reminded her that she responded to my email inquiring about equine-assisted learning. She said she didn’t remember the exchange. No matter, I was proud of myself for overcoming my insecurities and was glad I was confident enough to approach her.
Day two we set our intention for the workshop. I first pondered “being open”. That didn’t feel quite right, so I mulled over “being present”. Then, I thought of “notice what your notice”. This phrase reminds me of my wise friend from Prescott College, Dr. Paul Smith. I wrote in my journal that because that was my intention, I purposefully reflected on my reactions and judgments to the facilitation – letting go and working on noticing why I noticed what I did. What was my story that said it “should” be done a certain way? Especially when there is no “right” or “wrong” just different.
At the reception that evening, Christine sought me out to give me a copy of Kelly’s book, Flying Lead Change. I thanked her, then shared with her that I read that book about four years ago. Instead of that comment opening a dialogue, she seemed offended. She clearly hadn’t done any research about me and wasn’t curious. I was being as authentic as I could yet struggled to make a connection with her.
After our evening campfire I returned to my cabin and removed my jewelry before going to bed. Taking off my Centaur necklace, the brand for Paul Smith’s company, Centaur Leadership, I lightly kissed it then whispered out loud “Thank You Paul”. The light in the bathroom flickered off and on. Paul died approximately nine years earlier at that time of year. His subtle presence helped ground me, keeping me attentive to the energies around me.
Day five we travelled from the Chi Center to the new MEA campus that was still under construction. Chip and Christine wanted our group to see what they were building, encouraging us to participate in future Santa Fe workshops. They invited us to sit in white plastic chairs lined up in rows in an unshaded and very sunny courtyard. One of their wranglers on the property, Linda, talked to us about the future equine learning programs they would be offering.
I shifted in my seat, wiping the sweat off my brow, wondering why Kelly, their “exclusive” provider was not here? A better question was why were we not experiencing the horses? What the hell were we doing sitting here talking about EAL when there were equines on property. Finally, after the thirty-minute dissertation, they invited us to visit the three horses and one donkey they had in a pasture near the courtyard.
On our way to the where the horses where grazing in a pasture, Christine turned toward the group of us and asked, “Who wore the horse socks?” I was close enough to hear her, though I didn’t reply. I was so angry she would ask that question; I could feel the flush of blood running through my body! Thankfully, all my fellow compadres who heard the question, answered, “Tracy”. Who else could it have been? I was the ONLY person whose entire wardrobe included horse nearly every day. I literally stopped, then took a deep breath to center and calm myself.
When we reached the fence, I was one of the last people to join the group of thirty plus people ringed around the railing. They were all encouraging the horses to come to them, hanging over the fence, making clucking noises. I looked directly at the horse they nick-named Fabio (because of his flowing mane), and mentally said to him, “I see you.” He turned toward me, moved from the center of the arena, slowly walked past every other person, and straight to me. Everyone turned their head in my direction as they witnessed the invitation and Fabio’s physical response. Magical.
Our closing ceremony included a tribute by “A secret Compadre” which we had randomly drawn two days earlier. The compadre and their tribute giver faced each other. My Compadre, Michelle, wrote, “Dr. Tracy is a business guru, a horse whisperer, and leadership expert…she has a heart as big as the Atlantic & Pacific oceans combined…When I think of her a saying comes to mind – still waters run deep. Underestimate her power & passion at your own peril, because she is a force to be reckoned with. And her superpower? She notices what she notices, and she has no doubt been noticing all of you.”
Once the Compadre read their tribute, Chip
Also, at our closing ceremony Chip invited me to share my horse wisdom in the future as part of the MEA equine team. When I got into Christine’s car to drive from our dinner at Chip’s house back to the Chi Center, she turned to me, then said, “We’ll be in touch”.
The thing that brought me the tranquility and peace during my MEA experience, wasn’t the daily visits of serendipitous messengers or even the eventual acknowledgment by Christine, it is best captured in my final journal entry, “ As a horse person you seek validation the horse gave me yesterday by coming right toward me when I opened my heart and sent him the message, ‘I see you’. My serenity came from both Fabio’s actions and the parallel experience of my MEA Compadres teasing me about that experience, calling me a “Horse Whisperer”. Thank you both for seeing me!”
P.S. Kelly still has an exclusive with MEA, though I haven’t given up yet on being TRULY seen!
Recall a time when you were in a beginner’s mind. Did you experience the serenity and peace of not actively working toward a specific outcome?
What were the conditions that allowed you to stay present?
Is there something you can tell you future self which will give you more serenity?