OPENNESS
“It’s OK to be vulnerable – it doesn’t make me smaller or less of a person”
Renee’s feedback following our program
We were hired to help eleven financial advisors and their support staff identify the necessary components for the creation of a Diversity Council. The people from Morgan Stanley/Smith Barney (MS/SM) were a very healthy high performing team. There was a lot of mutual respect, trust, and shared commitment. Over the course of our two days together, Stacie and I witnessed a lot of open communication, curiosity, and desire to be understood as well as understand. Importantly, our horses mirrored this connectivity, remaining calm and present throughout the different activities.
We began our process with a pre-assessment. Renee’s answer offers some insight into her worldview:
1) Please tell me what is important to you regarding creating a “culture of inclusion”. What does it look and feel like when everyone is equal? What are the behaviors that matter?
For me, a culture of inclusion is a place where everyone’s ideas and thoughts are given an equal opportunity to be heard, and sharing those ideas/thoughts is a no-stress/no-pressure process – there should be little to no worry that one’s thoughts will be judged by another in a negative fashion. It’s hard for me to determine what it would really feel like if everyone were equal, because the fact is that we are human and all carry some form of judgment or stereotype. The behaviors that matter in an inclusive culture are attentive listening, constructive feedback and a willingness to learn from others.
2) What is your personal role or responsibility in creating the environment you described above? What skills and gifts do you bring to Morgan Stanley/Smith Barney to help facilitate and support this culture?
As the Complex Assistant, my role encompasses many different responsibilities. I think that on a day-to-day basis I need to create an environment where any employee can approach me at any time on any issue. While the responsibilities of our team are all laid out based on job title, a number of issues come up where the employee involved may not know who to go to, so I need to be prepared for just about anything. I like to think that I bring an open mind to work every day so I’m ready to listen to my co-workers and provide the support that they need, regardless of the situation or the type of business that they run. I also try and give a fair amount of time to each issue that comes across my desk, and while it’s important to prioritize, I never want my employees to feel like their issue is less important than another one I’m working on.
3) When we’ve completed the Kaleidoscope experience, I expect, hope, believe, think, feel the following to be true:
I hope that our entire group can learn how we can more effectively communicate with one another across the diverse backgrounds from which we come. I also hope that the experience will show our team that diversity isn’t merely a skin color or nationality, but a multitude of things that make up who we are and why we act the way that we do.
Renee’s Team Success Insights told us that her dominant style was a promoter, someone who liked to influence people. That she preferred solutions to “people problems, she had an optimistic outlook, verbalized through thoughts and ideas.” Her DISC profile identified her as someone who was very detailed oriented and found routine tasks draining.”
Remember, Renee’s job as the assistant financial complex manager required her to do a lot of routine tasks, jobs that must be accurate and perfect. In the responses above, she shares her passion and commitment to all her co-workers, “I never want my employees to feel like their issue is less important than another one I’m working on.” Using the word “never” is a clue to her dedication and sense of responsibility.
Our last horse activity was designed to pull together all of our other work. We wanted to purposefully push up against their assumptions about each other, witnessing how they actually responded in a confusing and stressful situation:
Each person will be given a specific task on a 3 x 5 card. The goal of the activity is to recognize when you are open, persistent and resourceful (Compassion Triangle) or encouraging others to be the same. Also, pay attention to what triggers you to move into the Drama Triangle.
To practice the new behaviors we seek to encourage, there will be a consequence every time an individual says one of the “forbidden words”. Those are: But, Need, See, However & No. The consequence is to be determined by the group prior to the start of the activity. It must be done here and now and able to be done multiple times. Please decide if for rule breaker only or whole group.
The tasks ranged from dress your co-workers in the items available, to sabotage the path by quietly moving things once someone put it down, to pet the horses as a distraction from them moving through the path. Each instruction was based on what we gleaned from their Team Success Insights and DISC profiles, with the goal of giving them an instruction that was opposite what they would be comfortable doing.
While building their path to the future and following the instructions on their individual cards, several were decked out in yellow or green plastic lei’s, a bright yellow plastic construction hat, big multi-colored Mardi Gras beads, and other various items they found in the toy bin we provided. Al, D, Charlie, Mickey, Minnie and Tigger calmly wandered around the indoor arena, sniffing and checking out the variety of horse-safe toys scattered somewhat randomly around. Tigger relaxed her huge head, dropping in down inviting scratches, asking to be loved. Mickey and Minnie, meanwhile, were turned white butt to black head and white head to black rear, using their teeth to groom each other.
Once we played in this space for about an hour, we processed the experience by inviting each of the participants to stand on the part of Karpman’s triangles that they identified with most. I laid out six white 19” x 35” heavy plastic sheets on the conference room floor, each with a block lettered name from one of the triangles. Drama in Red. Compassion in Bright Blue.
The Drama Triangle has three sides, Persecutor, Rescuer, and Victim. People who are dancing in this space are justified, have tunnel-vision, abuse differences, use conflict to destroy, look for exceptions, are wasteful, and fail backwards.
People in the Compassion Triangle are Persistent, Resourceful, and Open. They are effective, have perspective, leverage differences, use conflict to create and collaborate, fail forward, are efficient, energizing and look for connections.
Stacie and I handed out a piece of paper with Karpman’s Triangles to each participant. Nancy, Tom, and Sheree’ all moved to the blue Resourceful banner. Kayra, Tim, and Stephen found their way to the blue Persistent banner. Dave and Beth sort of danced between the red Rescuer and Persecutor banners, with Dave landing on Persecutor and Beth moving hesitantly to the red Rescuer banner. Patrick and Phil stepped comfortably on the blue Open banner. Lastly, Renee’ walked to the blue Victim banner. One by one they shared the feelings they had during the activity, explaining what led them to stand on which part of the triangles.
Stace made a point of reminding them that even through they may have been uncomfortable in their roles at times, that their unease did not impact the behavior of our horses. We then discussed how staying calm and present is a very real part of their jobs working with clients and each other. That there are times when they, as the financial agent, might be unsure or uncertain, yet they want to outwardly be confident. The conversation then moved to what they could learn from this experience that could be applied to the new Diversity Council.
Renee’s started to talk, then choked up, clearing feeling a rush of emotions. Sheree’ handed her a tissue, Renee’ wiped her eyes, then continued:
“You know, I have a lot of responsibility and deeply care about everyone at the Center. Sometimes though, I feel as though I am getting taken advantage of, which is why I chose to stand on the Victim banner. This new Diversity Council is going to be a ton of work, which I’m afraid will end up on my desk and it scares me!”
This vulnerable side of Renee’ was new. With everyone looking somewhat stunned and clearly apologetic, Patrick, the Center Manager moved to in to give her a hug. He said he was sorry; that they all were.
She told them she knew that was not their intention to hurt her in any way. She told them, through sniffles and catching her breath, that she was grateful that she could be honest and forthcoming about her feelings.
A rich discussion ensued about what behaviors would be required to continue to support each other, inviting people into the compassion triangle. Patrick suggested we create a list, so I moved to the easel holding the white flip chart paper, grabbed a blue and green maker to make an alternating-colored list of ideas. We captured their specific action steps, as well as who would be responsible to support them in their desire to move into and stay in a “culture of inclusion.”
One of the magical things about equine-assisted learning or other experiential learning for that matter, is that we cannot anticipate where the openings will happen. Skilled facilitators are adept and some even masterful at creating the opportunities for learning to happen, then using experience and education to inquire, explore, and seek opportunities. We stay open, present, and engaged modeling the desired behaviors of our clients. There’s no better “win” than having a group of eleven smiling people, grinning ear-to-ear holding a vinal plastic blue lettered “Open” sign because they were committed to staying connected through more open dialogue.
Recall a time when you were able to share the impact of someone’s behavior, even though your knew their intent was not what was your experience.
What did you learn from that exchange that you can incorporate in future exchanges?
What would you advise your future self about staying open and the consequences associated with that behavior?