POTENTIAL2
When Randy asked me to marry him in 2012 my Large Munsterländer (a German pheasant dog), Desi, was already twelve years old. Her half-sister, Cirena, was filled with cancer at the age of twelve, so I imagined that in the two years before our wedding in 2014 that Dez would travel a similar life path. Once she passed, I would be at a cross-roads with the farm, figuring out what to do with the remaining live animals and the property. Until that time, I planned to continue as I had, taking care of the property, offering limited programming, and staying active in the community. Oh, yea, and planning a wedding!
I couldn’t sell the property as long as Desi was living because she couldn’t move with me to my husband’s home. First of all, it wouldn’t be fair to her. She was already losing her vision and hearing, was weak in her hips, and had accidents in the house. Additionally, she shed. A lot. Between her and my daughter’s French Brittney, Kahlua, we’d often have bundles of rolling black, white, and brown dog hair in the kitchen!
When Randy and I got married in October 2014 my “Blessed Purgatory” began. I was blessed because I had the assets to keep the farm. The purgatory was that I was stuck in a limbo of my own making. Paying and caring for a farm/business that I wasn’t growing. I akin it the COVID lock-down, where there was not a definitive end in sight.
Recognizing that eventually Desi would cross the rainbow bridge, I began the arduous task of cleaning out twenty years of living in the same place. One-by-one I cracked open each book from my many bookshelves, deciding whether I would ever open it again. Because I take notes in my books, a hundred or so made the move to town with me, while a similar number didn’t make the cut. Instead they were put in boxes for donation to the local library.
I lived through all the stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) with each new box of folders from my Kaleidoscopian file cabinets. Reliving over twenty years of successful programs and failed efforts was emotionally draining. I jokingly call myself an “archivist” instead of a “hoarder”, the truth being somewhere in-between.
In between moving into my now husband’s home in Frankenmuth literally one Jeep load at a time, I sought ways to channel my creative energy. I searched for something to offset the draining emotional bandwidth of reliving the past. Something with potential to bring my values to life. Ever a lover of learning and research, I embarked on a quest to identify what else I could do with my property. I hired a very talented creative local guy named James. James is a kind soul who respected this crazy lady’s dream of creating something so unique that we couldn’t find a duplicate of anywhere in the world. He supported me in crafting language, identifying target markets, with appropriate, measurable goals, and creating a beautiful logo I wish I could use someday. This thought activity was very expensive in terms of both time and money. It was also expensive in terms of social capital, as I shared the story far and wide, to garner support and learn about people’s reactions.
Here's some of the copy I wrote:
Kaleidoscope Ranch is an enriching environment for both the animals that live here and the visitors that wish they did! Experience our living farm museum environment inviting you and your family to engage with nature, exploring the culture and historical period from 1865-1895. The “Old West” of saloons, honkey tonks, and a trading post meets Michigan’s lumbering era as you travel from the outside to the inside of our barn. Our themed and enriched horse, goat, rabbit, chicken and duck homes are central to a Kaleidoscope Ranch experience.
Our mission: Kaleidoscope Ranch is a place to visit, explore, and enjoy. We help families and visitors reconnect with the wisdom of animals and agriculture through fun moments of learning. Just like the kaleidoscope in our name, we strive to make each visit to our ranch a unique combination of beauty, energy, and reflection
At Kaleidoscope Ranch, we uniquely blend the world of animals and humans, leveraging the best of both for the brief time you are together. See the world through the eyes of our critters, where there is no religion, no class or management system only the way you are in relationship with them in that moment. We are experts in creating experiences, events, programs, and activities that invite you to be fully present in the moment, having fun, learning something relevant about yourself and others, and providing a memorial, sometimes life-changing, new awareness.
I dreamt up all sorts of unique experiences, packages, events, and gatherings. My lifetime of event planning and party throwing was packed into the 12.27 acres on Rathbun Road. One of the most unique aspects Randy and I researched was purchasing a railroad car. A near-by town used to have an attraction called Junction Valley Railroad. As an homage to my Dad whose work on the railroad put me through college and so much more, I imagined a railcar on property. Unfortunately (or fortunately as it turned out) we were unable to secure one.
I planned to offer events such as “Feed the Soul and the Bellies Breakfast”. The gist of this offering was to invite families to help feed all the critters, followed by a shared gourmet breakfast that was partially prepared by my guests. I imagined strangers becoming friends over family-style meals.
My tree-line of pine trees would be cleared to create “PoeTrees” where visitors could discover laminated weather-proof poems, selected by my friend, Faith, inviting people to appreciate nature. We’d scatter them through the trees, creating a sanctuary with benches, fairies, and other woodland creatures.
Kaleidoscope Ranch was purposefully designed to be experienced with or without a guide. For a guided tour, which includes silly jokes, hands-one experience with the animals of your choice (we reserved the right to deny access to certain animals based on the circumstances), and a snack at the end of the tour. Why stop at just an experiential nature-based amusement family destination? Nope. This girl added “taking it on the road” as an option.
This thought experiment included detailed information on a potential website with a FAQ, group sales, memberships, planning your visit, volunteers AND (of course!) required volunteer training. I was so detailed that I included facts about responding to a volunteer request within three days. I even met with a friend, former classmate, Mike, whose business is to create signage in American braille. I went so far as to become a member of the Michigan Agritourism. My listing optimistically shouted “coming soon”.
Yup. I poured my heart and soul into this. As I reflect on that commitment (overcommitment?) I would assess that my behavior was a coping mechanism. Always a dreamer, creator, believer in possible futures, this investment kept me “in” something and probably “out” of some trouble. One piece of advice I share with people in transition is to not just go away from a thing (such as a job or a relationship), that it is healthier to have/create a thing to go towards.
Those who love me, Randy, my accountant, friends, appreciated my enthusiasm and supported the dream – the potential. Those who never understood (and probably still don’t) the “horse thing” I’m sure had a different story. Probably thought I was out of my freakin’ mind!
I ultimately decided that Kaleidoscope Ranch had more risk than potential when I looked at the venture from a perspective that showed me the bigger picture. It was as if I had finally turned a kaleidoscope, the bits and pieces falling into place, creating the view that showed me the totality of the investment this unproven endeavor would require of me – lots of money, huge staffing requirements, animal husbandry, and so much more!
Once you know something, you can’t unknow it unless you are in denial. So, knowing what I did, I now faced the inner work of pride to explore a dream versus the shame of not following through. As I write this nearly a decade later, I still see the potential the Ranch could have offered people for real connection with each other, their loved ones, and nature. Something the world craves now more than ever!
I started living part-time at Randy’s while Desi was still alive after hiring Happy K’9’s to watch her when we wintered in Florida for the months of January through March. With Nick from Happy K’9’s taking care of her three times daily, not actually living with her, I experientially discovered she would be okay without me there every night.
Desi finally took her last breath on October 14, 2018 at the ripe old age of 18 years, 10 months, and 14 days. She left this world unable to stand, see, or hear. She was able to try to bite our vet, Glen, as he gave her the shot that ended her life. Desi wasn’t about to let someone limit her potential if she could help it!
Recall a time when you saw the potential in an idea. What actions did you take to pursue it? What did you learn along the way?
Reflecting on the time above, can you name how you’ve incorporated those learnings into your life today?
Is there something in the future that you’d like to explore further that has potential? What is it and what are your next steps?