ENGAGED LEARNING
Sitting around the light oak wooden kitchen table, five participants scanned their spiral notebooks. Each selected different colored markers to decorate the cover and add their name. The kitchen sat adjacent to the living room, where we could see a coffee and end tables piled high with papers, folders, and other clutter. An orange tabby cat weaved in and out of our legs, bending its’ body and rubbing on us. While a black and white tuxedo kitty lounged on the back of a couch on top of a folded crocheted brightly colored afgan.
The participants were coming together for an Individual Women’s Series. We held it at a friend of Stacie’s, Ina, at her Happy Hallow Ranch. Ina was intrigued by the concept of partnering with horses for personal growth. So, we worked out an arrangement to lease her house, indoor arena, and horses to host the five evening sessions from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m. The themes for the sessions were:
New Beginnings – Introduction to Self & Group
Visioning – Creating Your Plan for the Future
Setting Boundaries – The Power of Saying “No”
Overcoming Obstacles & Barriers
I Can, I Will, I Am
This sequence of sessions focused on investigating, understanding, and creating a personal vision statement. We incorporated a variety of approaches designed to engage all the participants, independent of their learning styles and life experiences. This included time for reflection, whole group dialogue, pair and share discussions, and journalling. The workbook housed such items as a “Participants Bill of Rights”, an exercise designed to help identify values, and resources explaining how to manage complex change.
Stacie and I began the first meeting by offering an overview of what we envisioned the program would look like each time we came together for our evening sessions. Over light healthy snacks, we’d begin in the house with a discussion about the evening’s topic and a review of their experiences from the week prior. After learning about each other’s insights, we’d move to the arena to partner with the horses. The activities with the horses would build off of the discussion, focusing on the sessions’ theme.
Once everyone’s questions were answered, we bundled up, putting on hats, scarves, and gloves getting ready to brave the February Michigan weather. We headed out into the cold, towards the unheated indoor arena where five furry horses were wandering around, sniffing and pawing the dirt.
While Andrea was still back at the house using the restroom, the four other ladies, our host Ina, and Stacie and I made small talk. Someone asked about the horses, so Ina told the ladies about the backgrounds of her Egyptian Arabian horses. The tallest, a mare about 15 years old, was blond in color. Ina shared that she was a brood mare that has been part of her herd since the beginning. She mentioned that she is a real sweetheart and loves to be around people. The second mare, who stood a little shorter, came to Ina’s herd later in life. She’s almost twenty years old and could be really difficult to catch and halter. The third horse was a gelding. He was the son of the first horse. Another “lifer” or one who has been on Ina’s farm since birth. Horse four was another gelding, a solid black boy that Ina explained was originally part of her breeding program until she decided to geld him. Lastly, there was a furry miniature horse that she bought when looking for a companion to an older blind mare who was no longer with us.
When Andrea rejoined the group, I explained that similar to meeting and greeting each other in the kitchen, we were now going to meet and greet our horse partners. Following the meet and greet activity and debrief, we moved into our next activity which was catch and halter.
We invited the five participants to pick a horse in their minds, though not tell anyone which horse they picked. Then, we randomly put the group in line. Each person would grab a halter from the pile, then halter their selected horse, leading them back to the line. Simple right? We explained the activity could provide us with a way to learn more about the thoughts behind everyone’s choices, as well as their decision-making in the event more than one person selected the same horse.
First to the pile of halters was Andrea. She untangled a halter from the pile, marched straight towards the 20-year-old “hard to catch” mare. She gently put the halter on her face, then led her back to the line, easy peasy. The other participants stopped their own haltering, swiveled their heads to look surprisingly at each other and us. What just happened? According to Ina, this mare was supposed to be hard to catch? Because Andrea wasn’t there when Ina shared that information, she held no pre-conceived notions about the catchability of the mare.
This opening experience set the tone for our entire time together. The “accidental” opportunity to learn organically, collectively, and vulnerably created a container that instantly invited honest dialogue and sharing. We had no way of knowing at the beginning that by bonding so quickly would lead to a life-changing final activity for Vicky.
The last class of our series was an activity known in therapeutic sessions as “lie detector”. Each participant rides a horse, bareback, with a surcingle (a wide strap that runs over the back and under the belly of a horse) belt around the horses’ waist. The rider then read the personal mission statement they created after four sessions of exploring boundaries, obstacles, and visioning. The horse responded as a sensor or mirror to the person, reading the energy and congruence of the human.
After a brief introduction of how to safely dismount a horse, we invited Vicky to mount the horse she selected. She bent her left leg, into Stacie’s cupped hands, then swung the right one over the back of the horse. Once on, she wiggled her bottom, settling into her seat for balance, then grasped the surcingle. After handing me the reins, Stacie moved off to the side of the arena to observe. I waited for her to move the horse. My job was to support the rider by staying present, coaching her through the experience. That meant lightly holding the line, but not influencing the speed, direction, or movement of the horse.
Vicky unfolded her notes, then began telling us that this story about her and her Dad. She was visibly shaken. The horse, Pharoh, stood perfectly still. I invited her to take a couple deep breaths. Once she finished the second breath, Pharoh walked forward as if he’s been given permission to move. Vicky told us that her father unexpectantly died recently. Clop. Clop. Clop. Pharoh moved forward. Then he stopped. Vicky cried softly. She dug a tissue out of her pocket to wipe her eyes, then blew her nose. I asked her if she noticed that she’s not moving anymore? She nodded her head yes, holding back more tears. We stayed in this space for a bit longer.
She then took another deep breath, re-engaging Pharoh in a walk. We moved slowly around the arena. She told us that the last phone conversation she had before her dad died was a fight. He didn’t want her to take a job she was offered, explaining that he thought it was short-sighted, not giving her the freedom she craved. She shared that she shouted back that it was her life; she would take the job if she thought that was the right thing to do.
At this point Pharoh stopped again. He had positioned himself so that he was in the corner looking at the wall. I asked her to look up from the paper to see where Pharoh led her. She started to cry even harder sharing that the wall in front of her felt like the wall of shame and guilt that she couldn’t get over. She was struggling with finding a way to forgive herself for that last conversation with her Dad. Vicky loved/s her Dad deeply, regretting not telling him that before he passed.
After she was able to catch her breath, I asked if she believed in something larger than herself. If her worldview included a God, or other spirit that she could speak to. She said she did. At this point, Pharoh turned from the wall, moving forward again. Vicky, recognized that Pharoh was moving forward, which meant she could too! She stated out loud that she was sorry, asking God and her Dad to forgive her. She declared that she loved her Dad dearly, that she knew he always wanted what was best for her.
The activity over, Vicky dismounted, threw her arms around his neck and hugged on Pharoh, thanking him for offering himself to her. He gave a whole-body shake, releasing the tension he’d been carrying through the activity. He then yawned, further letting go of the energy he’d held for her.
Share a time when you were engaged in learning something about yourself. How did it feel in your body? What did you notice about that feeling?
Did the feeling shift or change when you paid attention to it?
Is there anything from that experience that you can apply to something happening in your life today?
What advise would you give your future self in or to create more engaged learning experiences?