CONNECTION
Our third stakeholder demonstration for Detroit Horse Power (DHP) was initiated by Nicole sending out a detailed invite, bringing together seven high-powered decision-makers from the city of Detroit. The group arrived open-minded, engaged, and willing to connect. For example, the pre-assessment closing question, “Tell us something the other participants might not know about you”, revealed that Elana was an adoptee. Darrin shared that he was also an adoptee, making an unknown connection between them known. We also learned they all had strong relationships to either/and/or DHP’s mission, David, or Nicole.
We made our introductions in our usual Kaleidoscope Learning Circle (KLC) way, inviting our guests to pick one of three open ended questions. 1) Briefly share a favorite place, explaining why. 2) If you were a song, what would it be and 3) If you were/are a superhero what is your superpower?
Danny, credit union CEO, kicked things off explaining he couldn’t pick just one song. He’d be a playlist with a variety of songs, based on his mood that for that day. He then started to answer the other two questions, when the entire group interrupted him. Somewhat embarrassed, he apologized, telling us he didn’t see the “Pick One” instruction. Everyone else took their turn, including our DHP hosts, David and Nicole. Their involvement cemented their role for the day, that they could be both hosts and participants.
It was a beautiful September day, bright blue sky, puffy white clouds, with a soft warm breeze. Stacie and I decided to try something she’d found very successful, yet we’d never done before. We invited our group to a grounding activity. We all stood out in the pasture, as eight horses and a cow (yes, a cow) wandered around us. We were guided by Stacie’s soothing voice to notice our bodies. Notice our breath. Listen. What sounds did we hear? She suggested we notice the thoughts coming into our minds, then let them move on, clearing our busy brains to fully experience the space we were in now.
Now fully present and mindful we invited the participants to meet and greet the horses. After giving them plenty of time to mosey around the pasture, we circled them back up; then asked them what struck them about the experience. Danny again showed his willingness to be vulnerable. He shared that he was more afraid than he expected. As a leader, he didn’t anticipate that he would be intimidated by these animals. His comments were a perfect segway for us to ask about times when we were with people and we felt anxious. Everyone made the connection from horse experience to human experience, agreeing that we might be fearful with strangers or being in a strange place.
The next activity was thumb wrestling. Thumb wrestling exposes and explores our implicit assumptions about competition and collaboration. It invites discussion about how our mental models can create unintended consequences, if we are not fully present. After pairing people up, the instructions are to get as many pins as possible. After a minute, I called the activity, asking everyone how many pins they earned. Danny and Rebecca 76. Darrin and Chris, one each. Tarsha and Elana, five and seven. Adam and David, two and three.
I asked Danny how they got so many? He shared that he had participated in a similar activity with arm wrestling pins, so he knew that if you worked collaboratively instead of competitively you would earn more pins. He convinced Rebecca that they had to take turns pinning, to reach the stated goal.
The last activity, Billiards, would take place in the arena, a smaller, better-sized place than the pasture. We selected three horses to partner with, deciding to work with ones the group was already familiar. Lacey is a big beautiful draft, which Nicole brought into the arena. We tied her to the loop on the wall, knowing she would stand quietly until the other two horses were brought in. Noticing that she was standing on three legs, not putting pressure on her rear left leg, I asked David to go over and check it. He didn’t feel any heat or see a cut, so we concluded her problem was likely an abscess.
Because billiards required moving the horses into pre-established “pockets” of two pvc pipes, we decided to partner with another horse instead of three-legged Lacey. Stacie brought in Shocky, holding her while David and Nicole brought in the last two, Stormy and Lexi.
Once we put up the pvc pole barrier, we let the horses loose. Shocky pinned her ears, pushing Stormy and Lexi away from the people. We waited a bit for them to sort themselves. They settled down when Stormy and Lexi noticed the round bales of hay being stored in the back of the arena. Hay being much more interesting than people, they both headed towards the grub.
Shocky, on the other hand, seemed pleased to have the people all to herself. We learned later from Charlotte, Starz Equestrian Center owner, that Shocky is normally the last one caught because she is the lowest of the herd hierarchy. The unusual set of conditions, her being alone with the people, gave her a confidence she did not normally display. Charlotte was quite surprised to hear that Shocky had connected so strongly to the people, willing to “claim” them, by pushing the other horses away.
We lined the people up, asking them to sort by eye color. Darrin shared that he was color blind, so would need some help. Discovering someone’s inability to see different colors never occurred to me. His vulnerability to share led to Elana acknowledging that her husband was also color blind. Once they decided on the line up, we invited them to stand between two buckets filled with water. The consequence they chose if anyone talked when it wasn’t their turn was to bark like a seal three times while clapping their hands.
Elana took off, wrapped her arm around Shocky’s neck moving her in to the “pocket” space of two pvc pipes angled fairly close together. Her three minutes up, I shouted, “time”. Next up was Darrin. He pretty much followed Elana’s lead, getting the mare nearly inside the pvc pipe pocket. Tarsha was next. She was not as confident about being around horses, so pretty much just walked along side Shocky, not moving her into the pocket. Adam took his turn, again moving Shocky into a pocket, this time the one on the other side of the arena which I purposefully spread really far apart. Intermittently, I’d remind those on the sidelines to “stay between the buckets.”
During her turn, Rebecca asked if as the leader she could talk. Up to this point, no one had taken advantage of their ability to talk when it was their turn. Classically, focusing on what they couldn’t do, rather than what they could. I confirmed that she could talk without a consequence. She turned to the whole group, standing between the buckets, suggesting that they work together by picking up the buckets and making one long line. The group snaked towards the horses, when I shouted “time”. Danny followed her lead and they all moved as one. Lastly, Chris asked if they could move the pvc pipes. I asked him if I said they couldn’t? He responded, “No” so they picked up the pipes and made them as large as the arena as time ran out.
Because we were ahead of schedule, Stacie, Nicole, and I debated as to whether we should do another activity. Nicole suggested a leading activity, since we hadn’t done that yet. Stacie, started spit balling some ways we could make it work. I felt like throwing the activity in just because we had extra time was the wrong answer. After mulling it over, I suggested we invite them all to journal the day. Creating the space for them to make their own personal connections to the work, each other, and themselves. David agreed, and later admitted he was afraid they would all just get on their phones after writing a few sentences. Instead, he witnessed some deep and thoughtful journalling.
We all moved into the conference room for lunch. Darrin, a university professor studying entrepreneurship, asked Stacie and I our origin stories. We gladly shared our humble beginnings. He mused that wasn’t incredible to realize that if my 1998 Master’s degree at Rochester Institute of Technology had not included the experiential “red barn” experience and the facilitator hadn’t told me about the Association of Experiential Education that none of us would be connected here.
After rich discussion about equine-assisted learning and DHP’s future programming, we closed the day with my Kaleidoscopian Processing cards. Going around the room, it was Darrin’s turn. He started to well up, getting tears in his eyes. Unable to speak, he asked to pass and come back to him. Tarsha went next, then Rebecca. Now it was Danny’s turn. He too, became emotional when he shared the card he picked and its’ profound impact.
The connections made that day were magical. In reflecting on what was the “secret sauce” that made this possible, David, Nicole, Stacie, and I all agreed that there were several factors that contributed to such a heartfelt experience for seven strangers in four hours. A reminder that sometimes, being in a space with others who are willing to be authentic and vulnerable can lead to seeing others and being seen.
Recall a time when all the conditions aligned and you lived through a magical experience?
Have you replicated, or tried to replicate, those conditions in future settings? How did that work or not work out?
What lessons have you learned that you can take into future adventures?