CLARITY OF SIGHT
While working at a local credit union as their marketing director, my good friend, Lynne, learned that she had Multiple Sclerosis (MS). Lynne quickly began volunteering for the MS Society, sucking in many of her friends to help. As part of the local MS chapter we were connected to the State organization and its Executive Director, Tammy. Tammy introduced us to one of her passion projects, Special Days Camps.
Special Days offer camping experiences for teens with cancer and their siblings. Through Tammy I learned about a summer camp near me that included access to horses. Hello! They said yes to including Equine-Assisted Learning as part of their week-long programming.
As a parent, one of my fears was that someday I could be one of those people who faced caring for a child with cancer. Feeling blessed that I could contribute, in a small way, to the lives of these courageous kids; I donated my time, only charging them for the out-of-pocket expenses and the time of my co-facilitators. I billed a rate of $1,300 for the two days. Then, I donated $700 back to Special Days where they had a matching program and were able to double the money to $1,400!
Stacie and I met with the riding stable wrangler, Jen, to create a three-hour program focusing on their theme of the day “Insight”. This was day five of a seven day camp:
Day 1 – Teamwork; Day 2- Stereotypes; Day 3- Service; Day 4 – Communication; Day 5 – Insight; Day 6 – Leadership; Day 7 – Community.
Special days creates memories and long-lasting friendships by focusing on the kids, not their illnesses. Both campers (be it the kid with cancer or their siblings) and their families benefit from experiencing the normalcy of camp. Anyone who has ever been part of a group camping experience, be it band, church, or a Y camp, recalls being responsible for meal clean-up and other chores, a shower block with private showers, and sharing meals together. Most former campers also fondly remember embracing nature, songs, campfires, and usually some silly traditions, rituals, and games.
On our day with horses, we spent the morning with opening activities of catch and halter, extended appendages, and then we moved into an activity called Black Box. Black Box sets people up by creating opportunities for participants to gain personal insight into their choices and assumptions. The horses offer insight through their responses, adding a layer of complexity by reading the energy of the participants, then reacting.
This is an activity where we divided the group of 20 participants into clumps of five people. Within each group, we individually took people aside assigning them different – and sometimes opposing – goals. The goals included halter, brush, saddle pad, lift front foot, and lead to the opposite corner of the arena. The additional instructions included, not talking without a consequence and no leaving the community.
We invited the participants to decide the consequence if they talked. It had to be done here and now, as well as multiple times. The teens decided push ups in poop was the winner. They shared that they had already coordinated a “group poop” at the camp, so this choice made perfect sense – to them. Stacie, Jen, and I all laughed, each of us having experienced camping as kids. Ah, the joy and simplicity of finding body fluids and their functions funny!
The three of us facilitators then surveyed the area to make sure there was enough road apple piles to accommodate our participants. Seeing there was plenty of piles and trusting our horse partners to add to the poop mind-field, we agreed and asked the kids, “how many pushups”? The participants discussed it, arguing over the quantity, agreeing with 20 thumbs up on three. They also decided “girl pushups”, those that are on your knees, were allowed.
With the consequences agreed to, we asked the kids to count off one through five to randomize them. Once the groups were established, I explained they would have 10 minutes to complete the tasks they had been assigned. Let the chaos begin! In each group, one camper grabbed a halter, another a brush, a third hauled the saddle pad off the fence, while the fourth headed toward the horses and the fifth took a lead rope and halter from Jen.
Five “light”, or quarter horse type horses, stood patiently waiting in the large open corral. These horses were familiar with being tacked up to be taken on trail rides. They seemed content, just standing there, waiting without saddles or other equipment. Three of the horses had their ears up facing our group, curious as to what we were going to ask of them. The other two were more relaxed, dozing with eyes partially or fully closed, one hind leg cocked making a droopy posture to one side. The two that were half asleep perked up when the kids started gathering their supplies. They, too, joined the other three horses, ears up facing the group, trying to figure out what was next.
Each group of five people struggled to complete their competing tasks. For example, as the person assigned to halter the horse was trying to put the halter on, the camper that was tasked to brush started brushing. The horses were SO confused by the break in their routine! Some simply walked away from the kids, unless the halter-person had the ability to keep them in place.
One group followed behind their horse, trying to get the halter on when the saddle pad, which had been tossed on to the horses back, slipped off, making the horse jump a little, then he slowly trotted away.
The third group looked similar to the first, with a horse haltered, a person brushing, and a third person trying to figure out how to lift a front hoof without much success.
In group four, three people were standing watching, apparently waiting for their turn to do their assignment, not interfering with the two people who did their tasks first. The person who haltered the horse was holding it, while a second camper was trying to take the lead from the first person, seeking to move them all to the other side of the corral.
Lastly, in group five, the campers were trying to use their fingers as pencils to write notes to each other in the sand. They were also miming their tasks, working to help each other understand what their individual assignments were. They seemed to be trying to plan what order they should proceed, by pointing at each other, either shaking their heads “yes” or “no” until they found agreement.
All of the people were all trying to complete their tasks at the same time, with few of them making any connections to the horses. Each of the horses responded to the energy of each of their groups’ activities. Because these were trail riding horses, they were what is considered “bomb proof”. Meaning, even under chaotic or unfamiliar circumstances, we could rely on them being safe, unlikely to kick out or run someone over. That being said, Jen watched closely to make sure each of her horses was behaving as she expected, simply moving away from pressure, responding to clear direction, and appreciating the attention when given with respect.
After about four minutes of this chaotic action, we heard someone talk. We shouted out to all the participants that they would now have the consequence they chose. We invited them to detach the lead ropes from their horses’ halters, so that the horses would not step on the rope, hurting or scaring themselves. Campers looked around anxiously, trying to find dried out piles, rather than getting stuck doing pushups over with fresh, steaming, aromatic ones. They all eventually got down on the ground, completing their three pushups consequence.
Then, they resumed the activity for the remaining amount of time. The consequence broke them from just focusing on their tasks, serving as a sort of reset. When the groups reconnected with their horses, they all worked together in more unison, having recognized that each group had been set up the same and at cross purposes.
Following the activity we invited the participants to share with us what they learned. Their feedback ranged from one extreme – frustrating – to the other – fun. My guess is their response depended on the task they had been assigned and if they were able to accomplish it. Through our debriefing, we created space for each person to share their personal insights and how they could transfer that learning back to their lives.
Our non-judgmental equine partners and activities reminded the campers that they had agency and choice. That by altering perspectives, we can create space to enter into relationships in a different way with others, with ourselves, and with our circumstances, even if that circumstance is cancer.
Recall a time when you were in a situation that was designed to connect you with others. Who were the people you considered or chose as your companions? Why?
Do you intentionally seek out people mostly like you or those that are distinctly different as you companions?
In the future are there companions, human or otherwise, you would like to connect to? What actions will you take to make this happen?